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Thursday, August 31, 2006

Strippers Help Las Vegas Area Schools
"The same day the nation's fifth largest school district began the year with some 400 teaching vacancies, the nonprofit corporation that supports it, the Public Education Foundation, accepted a $2,500 donation from a strip club, Scores Las Vegas."
Longhorns now have Texas-sized Jumbotron
"Godzillatron is biggest high-definition video display board in world"
Radio staff apologizes for contest
"The contest, run by an evening DJ, asked callers to sing a song as if they were mentally retarded. Listeners would be asked to guess what the ``Mongoloid'' is singing, according to the Arc of Ohio, which supports people with mental retardation and developmental disabilities."
Bartender gets $10,000 tip
"But it's difficult to find a word that adequately describes the customer who signs off on a $26 dinner bill and puts down $10,000 for the tip."
It's Twine Time in Lake Nebagamon
"Kotera claims to have accumulated the world's largest ball of twine after being touched by God back in 1979. He says he was told to quit drinking beer and turn his life around, he says. About that same time Kotera heard of some people making a giant ball of twine, and he decided he could make a better one."
Parking dispute ends with woman halved
"Man allegedly saws woman in half in dispute over parking in banned spot"
Lockheed is awarded Nasa contract:
"A consortium led by Lockheed Martin will build the next spaceship to take humans to the Moon"
New Book on Nazi-Era Humor: "Did You Hear the One About Hitler?
"Marianne Elise K., was convicted of undermining the war effort 'through spiteful remarks' and executed in 1944 for telling this one:

Hitler and Göring are standing on top of Berlin's radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to cheer up the people of Berlin. 'Why don't you just jump?' suggests Göring.

A fellow worker overheard her telling the joke and reported her to the authorities."
Getting to the bottom of names
"A team of geographers at the Centre for Advanced Spatial Analysis at University College London (UCL) undertook research into the nation's most embarrassing names."
Party animals take over mansion
Russian druggie gangstas and their ho's ruin posh London neighborhood
Dad Kills in 'Perv' Rage
"An enraged Connecticut lawyer leaped through the window of the house next door and plunged a knife into his neighbor's chest a dozen times - after being told the man had molested his 2-year-old daughter, police said yesterday."
So, you have a 40 mm cannon shell. What's the first thing you think of doing with it?
Why, of course, you give it to a group of children to play with.
Sen. Stevens is 'the secret senator'
Let the shitstorm commence! Blog fury about to strike bigtime!
Look Who's Left Standing
"Four years after regulators launched a task force to stamp out business corruption, numerous chief executives are on their way to prison, two of the nation's biggest accounting firms are defunct or on probation, and investment banks have shelled out billions of dollars in settlements.
But lawyers serving fraud-ridden companies have emerged relatively unscathed.
Unlike the accounting profession, forced by the Sarbanes-Oxley Act in 2002 to submit to independent oversight, lawyers have generally ducked proposals that would have forced them to blow the whistle to outsiders."

Hmm... Could the reason possibly be that the overwhelming majority of Congressmen, Senators and their staff are...lawyers???
Nah, nothing to see here folks. Move along...
On YouTube, Charges of Security Flaws
It was only a very few months ago when Youtube was best known for Coke and Mentos experiments. Now it's a loose cannon ready to run over anyone. Politicos beware!
Tempting riches of Nigeria oil crime
Those who follow our regular Pirate Updates will immediately recognize this phenomena!
Supernova captured in 'real time'
"Astronomers say they have witnessed a stellar explosion - or supernova - unfolding in real time."
Arnie goes green!
"California is set to introduce tough new legislation to cut greenhouse gas emissions under a deal reached by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger"
Beatles to sue over royalty claim
"The surviving members of the Beatles are to sue music companies EMI and Capitol Records.

They claim the record companies used fraudulent schemes to 'pocket millions of dollars' due to the band."

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Commute 2nd-Longest in U.S.
"Residents of Washington's outer suburbs endure some of the nation's longest commutes"

Yes, we fools who live in NYC have it worse, but I cannot deny a certain schadenfreude at knowing that there's a miserable commute for those who are even more responsible than we for the world being as messed up as it is!
Conspiracists Allege U.S. Seizing Vast S. American Reservoir
Evil American experts are "studying the sandstone aquifer's structure and devising ways to sustainably develop and manage the cross-border resource for farming, drinking supplies, and geothermal energy."
Woo-Hoo!! MSM Supervolcano Update!
Yes folks, we're all doomed and YOU MAY DIE should the Yellowstone Supervolcano blow!

Now, before everyone gets their knickers in a twist, let it be known that KWN's own Intrepid Reporter and near-daily Hat-Tipee Kara happens to have a sister who works for the National Park Service at Yellowstone! And she assures us that we have absolutely nothing to worry about.......
Monster Baby From Brazil
"Hospital officials say the girl tipped the scales at 14 pounds when delivered by Caesarean section. She was more than 23 inches long, which leaves her feet reaching over the edge of the crib."

Careful readers of this blog will note that this infant is 3 inches taller than yesterday's freak of nature, the 20 inch tall 14 year old!
NY Times blocks article to UK web readers
This is totally pathetic and shows just how low the NYT has sunk. Craven is as craven does!
Opposition Party Looks To Be a Putin Creation
Pooty-Poot continues to inch his way to a throne.
I am reminded of a story about Stalin, no doubt apocryphal. After his death, a letter was found with a message to his successor which read, "if you get in trouble, blame me. If you are still in trouble, then do as I did." Looks like Vlad got the memo.
U.S. Report: More Nicotine in Cigarettes:
"The level of nicotine that smokers typically consume per cigarette has risen about 10 percent in the past six years, making it harder to quit and easier to get hooked"
Women spend two-and-a-half years on their hair
"The average British woman spends an astonishing £36,903.75 on her hair in a lifetime, according to new research.

She will spend the equivalent of just under two YEARS of her life washing, styling, cutting, colouring, crimping and straightening her locks in salons or at home."
Meet Grumpy - the nastiest cat on earth
The animal rebellion continues - now home invasions are being staged by cats!
RadioShack Uses E-Mail to Fire Employees
"Employees at the Fort Worth headquarters got messages Tuesday morning saying: 'The work force reduction notification is currently in progress. Unfortunately, your position is one that has been eliminated.'"
Man Run Over While Lying On Freeway
"A man, reportedly drunk and wearing all black, was run over while lying on Interstate 5 in the South Bay, according to the California Highway Patrol."
CNN says sorry for live mic gaffe
"US broadcaster CNN has apologised after an anchorwoman's chat with a colleague was accidentally broadcast live during a speech by President George W Bush."

Hat tip to Paul!
There's Hope for All of Us! Long-Term Sobriety Heals Alcoholics' Brains
"Alcoholics who can stay sober regain most, if not all, brain function despite years of heavy drinking, new research suggests."
The naked tickler might be back
"Volusia County Sheriff's deputies are searching for a naked intruder who broke into a woman's home early Saturday morning."
£1m ransom for robbin' Robin
"Thieves who stole master tapes of the BBC's new Robin Hood series were yesterday reportedly demanding £1million ransom to return them."
Making a bid for robbery
"A man who went to pay for a car he had bought on eBay was robbed at gunpoint by the person selling the car, according to reports.

23-year-old Shahzad Ali Shah from Crawley, West Sussex, was told by the seller of a Mercedes Benz Kompressor C180 that a cash purchase would be neccessary, the Daily Mirror reported."
Smallest man in the world
"The smallest person in the world has just made the Guinness World Records.
Khagendra Thapa is a teensy 50 centimetres (20 inches). And the Kathmandu kid weighs just 4.5 kilograms.
The 14-year-old will be taken on a world tour to raise money for his upkeep."

Umm, is that the politically correct way of saying he's part of a Travelling Freak Show!?!?

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

A belated mini-blogiversary!
It has come to my attention that this weird news blog passed its 6 month blogiversary a few weeks back. Since mid February 2006, you've seen 3362 really weird news stories blogged here - an average of 17 per day! Not bad for a labor of luv!
As for you, my dear readers, I know very little. Up until recently, I was certain most of you were friends or colleagues or friends thereof. Last week I decided to kick down another $2 per month to "upgrade" my service so I could look at my logs. What a surprise did I find within!
First, there are many more of you than my previous "free" statistics indicate, and excluding bots and spiders, you are a diverse bunch indeed! In the last week or so, I've seen repeat "human" visits from places such as San Francisco, Columbus OH, Austin TX, Washington DC, Singapore, Vancouver, Canberra, London, Sverdlovsk, Dehli, Los Angeles and Buenos Aires. Several of you seem to come via the Washington Post, which links back to my blog posts about their articles via Technorati.
As for the rest of you, I have no idea how you found me, but many thanks to all!
Chase leaves town short of squad cars
"The city is short on squad cars after a man led police on a destructive chase and crashed his van into 10 cruisers, officials said."
Lone Controller Turned His Back Before Crash
First they blamed the pilots for turning on the wrong runway. Next they focused on the lone air traffic controller on duty. But the intriguing weird bit comes at the end of the story:
"She said the pilots arrived at the airport about 5:15 a.m., got onto the wrong aircraft and began the process of readying it for flight. A gate worker caught the mistake and told the pilots to go to another aircraft. The pilots then boarded the right airplane, Hersman said."
SAT Records Biggest Score Dip in 31 Years (WaPo free reg. req)
Is anyone truly surprised by this? High school graduates from my school were barely literate when I got out a generation ago. Why did it take so long to test writing ability?
Dad to win £400K on footie son:
"A dad who placed a bet on his son becoming a professional striker is set to win £400,000 after he was signed by West Brom."
Car takes over 6 years to be fixed
'He kept making up excuses, one time he said his aunt had died and the other that his shop had been broken into.'

'I wanted to be patient because I know his wife and kids, but enough is enough!'
Czech Braveheart wears a kilt
"A kilt-wearing Czech rebel, inspired by William Wallace, has been causing chaos in his home country.

Dubbed the Czech Braveheart, Alois Stuzka is staging a one man protest demanding independence for his home region."
Mattel to sue over lesbian Barbie show
"Mattel has given the artist 24 hours to close down the exhibiton or they say they will take legal action.

But Ms Schwarz says she will not back down: 'Barbie is exploited by Mattel. She wears a bikini, she shows off her belly, has big breasts, and even has a boyfriend,' she said."
Woman lets dog drive car
"A Chinese woman has been involved in a car crash - because she let her dog drive."
Pirate Update!
"24.08.2006 at southern Kien Giang province, Vietnam.
Pirates armed with AK-47 rifles attacked and boarded fishing boats from a speedboat. Pirates tried to abduct them into Cambodian waters but were intercepted by a Vietnamese patrol boat. Some pirates escaped but four were detained for investigation. Authorities recovered arms and ammunition from pirates. "
It's getting too crowded six feet under...
"'Death rites for a cemetery' and 'Now starts the trading of the graves' ran the headlines in Albanian dailies alongside pictures of new graves dug in the lanes between old ones."
Up to 14 hurt in SF hit-and-run spree
"As many as 14 people were injured this afternoon by a motorist who drove around San Francisco running them down before he was arrested, authorities said.
...
It was like 'Death Race 2000,' " firefighter Danny Bright said at California and Fillmore streets, as an ambulance stood nearby. "Guys were walking down the sidewalk and the guy just came up and ran them over. The guy went crazy.''
Apologies for the light blogging. Rest assured there is *plenty* of weird out there. Unfortunately, Blogger has been experiencing one of their periodic difficulties over the last few days, so I've had trouble posting anything. But I can't really complain - after all, Blogger is free! Anyway, hopefully the issues will get sorted out soon and so I can hit you with a bunch of good stuff.
US commuter blows up bottleneck
"A commuter in the US has taken his revenge for three decades' worth of traffic jams - by blowing up the bridge that made his daily journey misery."

Monday, August 28, 2006

Insert Foot in Mouth: Rep. Harris: Church-state separation 'a lie'
"U.S. Rep. Katherine Harris told a religious journal that separation of church and state is 'a lie' and God and the nation's founding fathers did not intend the country be 'a nation of secular laws.'"
Texan foils U.K. burglary using Beatles webcam
""We did get a call from someone in Dallas who was watching on a webcam that looks into the tourist areas, of which Mathew Street is one because of all the Beatles stuff," a Merseyside Police spokeswoman said."
This week's myspace.com idiot:
"Pet snake taken by Animal Control"
Police Arrest Woman After Mistaken Text Message
"A woman has been arrested after a text message, obviously meant for someone else, ended up on the cell phone of a Broken Arrow police officer.

The officer was working a traffic shift Friday evening when he received the message wanting to know where they could get together to smoke some marijuana the sender had just purchased. "
Smart fabrics are back in fashion
"A company called Luminex has hit on the idea of weaving fibre-optics into fabric, so the wearer can really light up a room when they enter it."
Bill's excellent adventure has nasty f-stop:
"How weird is it to be Bill Clinton?
One minute, you're being love-bombed by besotted friends and strangers. The next, you're being cursed out by a crazed papa-razzo."

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Germans plant bugs in our wheelie bins
"Electronic spy 'bugs' have been secretly planted in hundreds of thousands of household wheelie bins.

The gadgets - mostly installed by companies based in Germany - transmit information about the contents of the bins to a central database which then keeps records on the waste disposal habits of each individual address"
At Least 45 Killed in Water Tank Collapse at India Fair
"At least 45 spectators at a wrestling match were killed Sunday when a water tank they were sitting on collapsed at a village fair in western India, a news agency said."
State fights to fire trooper tied to Klan
"Robert Henderson was not fired as a state trooper because he belonged to the Ku Klux Klan and another white supremacist group, authorities said.

Instead, he was ousted because he could not uphold public trust while participating in such groups, they said."
Boys 'used for human sacrifice'
"Children are being trafficked into the UK from Africa and used for human sacrifices, a confidential report for the Metropolitan Police suggests"
Accused Connecticut Toilet Bomber Denied Bail
"A Weston man once called one of the Internet's most notorious pirates of music and movies is too dangerous to be released from prison following charges that he blew up several portable toilets, a federal judge ruled."
Man receives four years for necrophilia
"'I knew it was kind of wrong,' Ward said before admitting under further questioning that he had sex with the corpse, then called 911."
The Day The Earth Fell Over
"Scientists already know that the North Pole wanders over time. But a theory known as true polar wander suggests that if a very heavy object, like an oversized volcano forms far from the equator, the force of the planet's rotation would pull the object away from the axis the Earth spins around."
Britain is the most burgled nation in Europe
"BRITAIN has the best burglars in Europe, according to a study by the European Union, which also finds that the country is the continent’s second most crime-ridden."
Virgin Galactic’s Space Travel Tips
"According to Virgin Galactic, more than 60,000 people have now registered an interest in becoming Virgin Galactic Astronauts, with 30% from the U.S., 15% from the U.K. and 10% Australia."
U.S. Alligator Meat, Skin Prices Rise After Hurricanes, Drought
"The gator harvest is down by almost 50 percent, farmers say, and prices for hides, meat, and other products are on the rise.

John Price of Insta-Gator Ranch and Hatchery in Covington says that in the past his company has sold hides for as low as nine U.S. dollars a foot (31 centimeters)—he is now selling for $50 a foot."
Slovak Leader Crashes Race Car, Unhurt
"Slovak President Ivan Gasparovic crashed his race car during a test ride on Saturday but was not injured, his spokesman said.

Gasparovic, 65, has been racing for about 30 years and has refused to quit even after his election in June 2004"
Father-Son Team Set Watermelon Records
3 melons - 252 lbs, 218 lbs and 205 lbs!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

A Planet Always
The Washington Post editorial board stands up in defense of Pluto!
When good monks go bad...
"A Cambodian Buddhist monk who stripped naked and raced through suburban streets after a heavy night of drinking rice wine laced with toads has been asked to leave the monkhood."
128 students suspended for violating school dress code
"The offending attire — including baggy pants, low-cut shirts, tank tops and graphic T-shirts — are banned from classrooms. Students were also cited for cell phone use."
That’s it, Hollywood, fumes Connery
"Sir Sean Connery marked the end of his Hollywood career yesterday by turning the air blue in a tirade against the film industry."
Hicks cast out after day as British citizen
"David Hicks was secretly made a British citizen in his Guantanamo Bay cell last month, but spent only hours as an Englishman before his status was stripped from him."
Miracles or madness?
"A Jewish fish-cutter in New York was busy slaughtering a batch of carp when one of them started shouting apocalyptic warnings to him in Hebrew. ‘The fish shouted that everyone needed to account for themselves because the end is near,’ says Zalmen Rosen, the fish-cutter."
A Pregnant Man?
Barf-alert!
Junkie Doherty Gives Away Drugs Inside Rehab
"The rocker was caught as he was trying to give a teenager a wrap of cocaine"

Has there *ever* been a better celeb junkie than Pete???
Flipping brilliant video is a hit
"Youtube fever strikes again - this time it's pancakes"
FBI: Dynamite Found In Conn. Man's Luggage
"A stick of dynamite was found in a college student's checked luggage on a Continental Airlines flight from Argentina, one of seven security incidents Friday that caused U.S. flights to be diverted, evacuated, searched or delayed."
Man settles over lottery ticket in trash
"A man who retrieved a $1 million lottery ticket from the trash reached a settlement with the family of the man who claimed he accidentally threw it away."
Jackie Mason suing Jews for Jesus
"Saying he's 'as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami,' Jackie Mason filed a lawsuit against Jews for Jesus for using his name and likeness in a pamphlet."
Police: Man Lied About Robbery To Fool Wife
"A man who didn't want to tell his wife he couldn't pay the mortgage lied that he had been robbed"
'Half-bird' man of Fort Funston -- shooting victim called gifted flier
"The man one friend described as 'half-bird' has been in extremely critical condition since Monday, when a gunman shot him and another hang-glider pilot without provocation in a parking lot at Fort Funston, where Murphy had just arrived for a sunset flight over the Pacific Ocean."
Youth Cheats Death On Power Cables
"The actions of this young man were quite unbelievable. There is no way he could have known that the overhead lines had been switched off, as the train was standing at a red signal."

Friday, August 25, 2006

"Two-day-old monkey smallest of the small"
Hat tip to Lara and Caitlin!
Pluto vote 'hijacked' in revolt
"A fierce backlash has begun against the decision by astronomers to strip Pluto of its status as a planet.
On Thursday, experts approved a definition of a planet that demoted Pluto to a lesser category of object.
But the lead scientist on Nasa's robotic mission to Pluto has lambasted the ruling, calling it 'embarrassing'.
And the chair of the committee set up to oversee agreement on a definition implied that the vote had effectively been 'hijacked'."
Trapped on Flight 63:
"Police boarded a jumbo jet yesterday amid fears furious passengers would riot after being stuck in their seats for seven hours."
Bubba, Chicago Aquarium's 'Super Grouper,' Dies After Inspirational Life
"A huge Shedd Aquarium grouper that became an instant celebrity and inspiration to cancer patients after becoming the first fish in history to receive chemotherapy and bounce back from cancer has died."
Cult leader gets date with executioner
"A religious cult leader convicted of killing a family of five in 1989 will be executed in October, the Ohio Supreme Court ruled Thursday."

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Military robo-surgeon prepares for battle
"Life-saving operations on soldiers in combat zones could become possible thanks to a portable robotic surgeon that allows doctors to perform surgery on the battlefield without endangering themselves."
Giant nests perplex experts:
"To the bafflement of insect experts, gigantic yellow jacket nests have started turning up in old barns, unoccupied houses, cars and underground cavities across the southern two-thirds of Alabama."
Sexual contacts with aliens occur frequently
If it's in Pravda, it's got to be the truth!
Meteorite find suggests life on Mars
Woohoo! Here we go again!
Kidnapped girl held eight years in garage
"Her suspected kidnapper, Wolfgang Priklopil, 44, a communications technician, died after throwing himself in front of a Vienna commuter train when a manhunt for him was under way, police said."
Giant Ramses statue gets new home
"A huge granite statue of the ancient Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses II is being moved from the Cairo square where it has stood for more than 50 years."
Subhuman Update! Neanderthals Still in Our Genes?
"Individuals of European descent may be 5 percent Neanderthal, while West Africans could be related to an archaic human population, according to a recent study of genes of people from Yoruba and individuals living in Utah with ancestry from Northern and Western Europe."
Woman Can't Find Stepfather's Gravesite
"A north Texas woman says she can't find where her stepfather is buried and she can't find any records to locate his gravesite."

Perhaps he just got up and left after nobody bothered visiting him for all those years
Woman Finds Jesus In MRI Image
No doubt GoldenPalace.com will be interested in buying it!
Perfume Critic Follows His Nose For The NY Times
Yes, that's right - the NYT has hired a perfume critic. Need any more be said?
Bat, Trimmer, Hammer Used in Lawn Brawl
"The supervisor went for a bat. The employee whipped out a weed trimmer. Another worker used a hammer to break up the fight.

That's the scene St. Johns County authorities described Tuesday after a lawn service supervisor criticized one of his worker's grass-cutting skills"
Judge Detains Five Over Ringing Phones
ALWAYS turn your phone off in the courthouse!
Family sees Mary's image on turtle
"She has appeared on a grilled cheese. Then, a highway underpass.
Now, behold, the Virgin Mary has descended upon the belly of a Burbank pet turtle."
Politically Incorrect (!!) in Louisiana
"Nine black children attending Red River Elementary School were directed last week to the back of the school bus by a white bus driver who designated the front seats for white children."
Police dog mistakenly chomps chief
Probably a sleeper agent working for the animal rebellion
Hitler-themed eatery to be renamed
"“Once they told me how upset they were with the name, I decided to change it,” he said. “I don’t want to do business by hurting people.”"
Replica Titanic may meet its iceberg at hands of council:
"The future of a 100ft model of the Titanic built in a back garden is uncertain after officials demanded its owner obtain planning permission.

Maritime enthusiast Stan Fraser, 41, has spent six years building the scale replica of the vessel behind his Inverness home."
Chinese sports school staff caught doping pupils
"China's sports ministry has ordered an investigation into the systematic doping of teenage pupils at an athletics school in Liaoning province"
Pluto-haters triumph
"Leading astronomers declared Thursday that Pluto is no longer a planet under historic new guidelines that downsize the solar system from nine planets to eight."
Forbes.com yanks articles over marrying-career-women flap
Cave-in after blogstorm blows furiously!
They are STILL messing with our planets
First they wanted to add 3 new ones. Now they've changed their mind and want to demote Pluto!
They Did It! MetroCard Magellans Break Record:
The power of stoners revealed:
"Metrocard Magellans Matt Green and Don Badaczewski set out to break the New York City speed subway riding record of passing through all 468 subway stations in less than 25 hours, 11 minutes, 8 seconds. And they did it with time to spare in 24 hours, 2 minutes."
Carjacker on way to parole office
"A man who tore through Toronto driving a stolen SUV, survived a rollover on Highway 401 and allegedly tried to muscle his way into other cars was trying to get to an appointment with his parole officer in Kingston, police say."

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Deputies: Woman Hosted Alcohol, Sex Parties for Teens
"Deputies say the parties were for students at White Knoll High School, and these parties happened regularly over a two-year period. Investigators say Hartwell encouraged boys and girls to have sex at her apartment, which is located near the school."
Achtung, Germans: Denglisch is here to stay
"It is known as Denglisch, a hybrid of Deutsch und English, and cultural purists say it is an insult to the language of Goethe and should be purged from the vocabulary."
Criticism of Tom Cruise stirs Hollywood debate
"A day after one of Hollywood's most powerful men publicly scolded actor Tom Cruise, the film capital began to think cost-conscious studios may finally be fed up with giving stars the star treatment."
Your taxes at work: Space station cosmonaut 'go' for golf stunt
$26 billion down the drain already, with another $75 billion in the offing...

Ever wonder how we got into this situation?
$50 million in mistaken refunds sent out by Medicare
"The federal government erroneously has reimbursed about 230,000 Medicare recipients for monthly premiums they paid this year for prescription drug coverage."
Now the recipients have to pay it back to the government. Are you sure you want the goverment managing *your* health care?
Antikythera Mechanism update! Revealed: world's oldest computer
"But 102 years after the discovery of the calcium-encrusted bronze mechanism on the ocean floor, hidden inscriptions show that it is the world's oldest computer, used to map the motions of the sun, moon and planets."

It dates back to the 1st century BC!
Elvis: $3 million bounty
"Adam Muskiewicz says he will pay-out the enormous reward if anyone gets concrete evidence to back up the conspiracy theories that suggest Elvis is still alive."
Art thief took the pee
"A thief who was stupid enough to boast about a £2,500 painting in the loos of a pub got his just desserts.
The cheeky thief was overheard discussing how he could flog the piece.
The eavesdropper just happened to be a police informant."
Choco-block on the motorway
"Motorists looked on in amazement as gallons of liquid chocolate, melted by the heat, began to ooze across the carriageway."
Dieselmax breaks world record
"The JCB Dieselmax has smashed the world land speed record.
The power vehicle clocked up a mega 328mph, making it the fastest diesel vehicle."
End of the World Update: Forget The Thermometer, The Mercury Really Is Rising
"An article in the latest issue of Geophysical Research Letters reveals how climate change appears to be contributing to the release of high levels of mercury in the northern wetlands of North America"
What gives driveway that crunch? Hubby
"A man who fell asleep in his driveway woke up when his wife came home and turned into the driveway to park the car."
Woman steals $2.3 million for lotto
"A former bookkeeper for a doctor’s office pleaded guilty Wednesday to stealing more than $2.3 million from her employer to buy lottery tickets."
No, That's Not a Penis Pump, Mom. Really
"Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn't want her to know he'd packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey. So he told security it was a bomb, officials said."
Bare bikers are porn to be wild
"The 'Boobs on Bikes' parade that had made Auckland Mayor Dick Hubbard all shirty went ahead as planned yesterday, drawing an estimated 20,000-strong crowd.

Many of them were armed with the full range of cameras, from cellphones to videos."
Police end funeral striptease acts
"'Striptease used to be a common practice at funerals in Donghai's rural areas to allure viewers,' it said. 'Local villagers believe that the more people who attend the funeral, the more the dead person is honoured'."
Rescued at Sea, Now Roasted in the Media: "Mexican radio and television have been filled with theories that the men killed their colleagues and ate their flesh"
The Doherty Chronicles Continue: Pete CRACKS!
"Pete Doherty punched a nurse and trashed his own room in a rehab clinic as the out-of-control crack addict went berserk."
Moo-ar!
"Phonetics experts have backed up dairy farmers' claims that cows moo with regional accents."
Tongue made from buttocks
"A Polish man who had his tongue removed has had a new one made using tissue taken from his buttocks"
Sextuplets Hoax Couple Pleads Guilty
Hat tip to Sydni Sydni!
Don't Marry Career Women
"Guys: A word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career."
Devil-head penny sold
Bought by 'Pegger for $170

An American penny with a mark thought to resemble the devil sold for $170.10 through an online auction yesterday.
Cruise Ambushed By ‘Broke’ Studio?
"Did Paramount run out of development money this month? A few days ago I was told by sources at the studio that production companies were instructed that if they wanted to option new projects, they had to take money out of their discretionary funds."

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Frisky business
"Cruise and his production partner, Paula Wagner, say they have raised a revolving fund of $100 million from two hedge funds and are striking out on their own."
This is going to be REALLY FUN!

Update: IM with Agent "W", NYC-based finance and hedge fund specialist:

[21:47] karl: Cruise and his production partner, Paula Wagner, say they have raised a revolving fund of $100 million from two hedge funds and are striking out on their own.
[21:47] karl: heh
[21:48] agent w: i hear assbanging on the horizon
[21:48] karl: the natives are restless!
[21:48] karl: and he is the perfect chump - totally arrogant and totally clueless
[21:48] agent w: it's like 'master and commader' meets 'deliverance'
Oops! Pete's otherwise engaged
"Did supermodel-loving junkie Pete Doherty miss his own wedding Saturday?

His girlfriend, Kate Moss, flew 14 close friends, including her brother Nick, to a resort in Bali last week, causing widespread speculation the couple was planning to get married."
Riding the Entire Subway in Record Time (and Other Lessons in Defying Reality)
"Tomorrow at 6 AM, suspected bong collectors Matt Green and Don Badaczewski (above) will get off of their couch and attempt to break the world record for riding the entire NYC subway system in the least amount of time. The current unconfirmed record stands at 25 hours, 11 minutes, but Green and Badaczewski will attempt to subvert the laws of MTA's nature and beat the time"

Hat tip to Kara!
Meanwhile in N. Korea...
"The Juche idea is based on the philosophical principle that man is the master of everything and decides everything, which was fathered by President Kim Il Sung. Man is the master of everything. This means that man is the master of the world and his destiny. This also clarifies the position of man in the world.
The man lets everything in the nature and society serve him and dominates it. "
Bowled Over: County Fair Is Flush With Toilet Art
"In a quiet little corner of the loud and gaudy 58th annual Montgomery County Agricultural Fair in Gaithersburg, you will find the toilet decorating contest."
Chili blinds guards during jailbreak
"Prisoners in an Indonesian jail escaped after blinding guards with a liquid laced with fiery chili peppers, a police official said on Tuesday."
Portrait Gallery shows naked ambition to entice art buffs:
"A massive collection of nude portraits is to take centre stage at the Scottish National Portrait Gallery next summer as it bids to rid itself of its staid image."
Pigs pile up on the motorway
"Rescue pilot Neil Parkinson said: 'This was probably our weirdest job ever, running around in the middle of the motorway, desperately trying to capture a truckload of squealing, scared pigs."
Crackberries just like crack
"Experts warn that they are contributing to a rise in internet and email addiction and that users ignore their friends and famil yin favour of technology."
Taking it to the Dieselmax
"Wing Commander Andy Green OBE is attempting to set the new world record for land speed in the JCB Dieselmax vehicle.

The aim is to beat the already achieved speed of 308mph. During test runs last week, the JCB Dieselmax clocked 317mph."
Man drops 1,000m - and walks away with nosebleed
"A parachutist making his first high-altitude jump came came down to earth with a bump when his parachute failed to open properly — and then got up and walked away."

Monday, August 21, 2006

End of the World Update!
"Is Tomorrow Doomsday?"
You can't say you weren't warned!
'Bored' youths rampage through town
"Up to 40 youths went on a destructive ramage in a central Queensland community because they were bored, the town's mayor said today."
What It Feels Like... To Have Two Vaginas
"When I was dating, I'd just say, 'So I have a little something to tell you.' I never got any other reaction except, 'Oh, my God, that's so cool'"
Bin Laden 'fantasised over' Whitney Houston
"Osama bin Laden, the al-Qaeda leader, was obsessed with the singer Whitney Houston and wanted to marry her, a new book claims."

He can have her!
Dumpster Diving Scandal Update!
The Smoking Gun has the infamous booklet from Northwest Airlines' layoff packet for sacked workers. Dumpster diving, shorter showers, growing own food were some of the suggestions.
K-Fed's a loser, part MCMXXIV
"Kevin Federline's TV debut as a rapper is getting derided as a not-ready-for-prime-time disaster by critics in cyberspace and the hip-hop community."

We will all do well to remember that this is the man who brought us Popozao.
He is Fresno's great gift to contemporary culture...
Country Star Faces Charges For Killing Bear "Authorities said Gentry bought the bear from a wildlife photographer and hunting guide -- then shot it in an enclosed pen with a bow and arrow. He then allegedly arranged for the doctoring of a videotape of the alleged 'wild' kill."

Hat tip to Summerr Nights!
Bling Bling: Indiana Cat Gets Gold Teeth
Hat tip to Summerr Nights!
Man With Two Penises
Hat tip to Kara!!!
Hitler-themed eatery draws fire
“We are not promoting Hitler. But we want to tell people we are different in the way he was different.”

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Wausau Man Electrocuted, In Critical Condition
"Authorities say a man reportedly trying to reconnect electrical service to a home was hit with 14,400 volts of electricity.

The Lincoln County Sheriff's Department says the 36-year-old man then fell 30 feet from a ladder into the back of a truck."
48 marathons in 47 days -- and still going
"His mission is to complete 50 marathons in 50 days in all 50 states. He says he's nearly done, having now logged 48 marathon-distance runs in 47 consecutive days."
Calif. Woman Sues Over Mannequin Attack
"A woman is suing the J.C. Penney Co. after an alleged run-in with a store mannequin that she says left her with a cracked tooth, a bloodied head and recurring shoulder pain."
Subgenius Alert! Pope endorses Slack!
"Too much work can be bad for you, even if you are the pope, Pope Benedict said on Sunday."
Wackjob / Murderer Update: JonBenet Suspect Heads to U.S. in Style:
"John Mark Karr, the suspect in the death of 6-year-old JonBenet Ramsey, sipped champagne and ate fried king prawns in business class Sunday after being put aboard a flight to Los Angeles to face charges in the United States."
Pirate Update! 6 attacks last week, including:
08.08.2006 at midnight off Niger Delta region, Nigeria.
Pirates boarded a supply tug and kidnapped four crew members and took them ashore. Pirates are demanding a ransom for their release. Owners are negotiating.
Busta Rhymes Arrested on Assault Charges
Also looking into a murder of one of his bodyguards.
WWII interrogators break silence
"The brotherhood of P.O. Box 1142 enjoyed no homecoming parades, no VFW reunions, no embroidered ball caps and no regaling of wartime stories to grandchildren sitting on their knees."
How Human Cells Get Their Marching Orders
"Biologists at Stanford University say they have discovered a coordinate system in human cells that defines their position in the body. This seems to be the first time a cell-based positioning system has been reported for the adult body of any animal, though positioning systems that guide cells in embryogenesis are well known."
World's top maths genius jobless and living with mother:
"A maths genius who won fame last week for apparently spurning a million-dollar prize is living with his mother in a humble flat in St Petersburg, co-existing on her £30-a-month pension, because he has been unemployed since December."
Russian Gangsters Threaten Madonna
"Guy Ritchie has reportedly begged Madonna to increase security after threats from Russian gangsters to kidnap her and their two children."

Saturday, August 19, 2006

August 22: Iran’s Military Exercise and Apocalyptic Plans for Israel and World
The always entertaining and occasionally accurate DEBKAfile warns of the pending immanitization of the Eschaton.
Video Leads To Cop Busts
"'He had told the police back at the precinct after he had been arrested that he could prove that through the video that existed, he had in fact not committed any crime,' Sims said.
Sources said when the police heard about this videotape, they took matters into their own hands.
On April 13, one day after the prostitution bust, two men broke in through the back door of the massage parlor. Cameras were rolling, capturing footage exclusively obtained by CBS 2.
The men you see on the tape aren't your average burglars. Rather they're cops, with guns drawn and badges showing."
Madonna’s magical nuclear waste cure
"Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie have been lobbying the government and nuclear industry over a scheme to clean up radioactive waste with a supposedly magic Kabbalah fluid."
Death leap father 'murder charge'
"A British man is facing a murder charge after his son, 6, died and his daughter, 2, was injured when the trio plunged from a hotel balcony in Greece."
US man survives chocolate ordeal
"A 21-year-old US man ended up in hospital after spending two hours trapped in a vat of chocolate"
Russians Find Wreckage of U.S. Submarine:
"Russian divers have spotted the wreckage of a legendary U.S. submarine that was lost in the Pacific in 1943, a Russian news agency reported Thursday."
Bush pardons moonshining 'Deliverance' actor
"By granting absolution to a convicted moonshiner, George W. Bush also earned the unique distinction of becoming the first president to pardon a cast member of the 1972 Academy Award-nominated movie 'Deliverance.'"
Greek police hunt for stolen icon:
"They cut the icon from its frame and then abseiled down to the ground."
Hundreds drink 'sweet seawater':
"Hundreds of people flocked to a beach in the Indian city of Mumbai after reports the seawater had turned sweet."
Paul McCartney is a f*****g idiot, part XXII: Macca fears Heather will turn video diary into TV show
"Heather Mills is putting further pressure on Paul McCartney by filming a video diary of the couple's increasingly acrimonious split."
WHDH-7 Boston Newsroom Meltdown:
"During WHDH-7's 11pm newscast, a computer malfunction left the Boston NBC affiliate's anchors without their scripts. In addition, it seemed to prevent them from cutting away to field reporters for live updates.

Without their customary tools of the television news trade, Channel 7's newscast was aborted after a just couple of minutes. As it became clear they were on their own, flustered anchors became increasingly panicked, ultimately leading to an on- air disaster of epic proportions"

Includes a link to the video of the fiasco!
Austrian stuntman parachutes from Sweden's tallest building but could face charges:
"Felix Baumgartner - who has performed BASE jumps from famous buildings worldwide - parachuted from a helicopter onto the 190-metre (623-foot) tall Turning Torso building in Malmo on Sweden's southwestern coast, before making a second jump down to the street."

Friday, August 18, 2006

Contact: What Happens if a Signal is Found
"In the next two dozen years, the Allen Telescope Array will parse the nearest thousand light-years of space. If there are other occupants of this galactic neighborhood, we could turn up a signal.

But then what? Would the discovery be put under wraps, either voluntarily or by government edict? If we found a signal, would you know?"
Police: Armed customer stops KFC robbery
"McMiller, police said, ordered a bucket of chicken then told cashier Deanne Slaughter: “Give me the money before I shoot you.”
The suspect held his hand in his back pocket as if reaching for a gun, police said, then lifted his foot to jump over the counter.
Paul Sherlock, a customer sitting in the dining room, approached and pointed a Taurus 9-mm handgun towards the suspect’s back."
Giant Jumping Sturgeon Stir Up Mystery in Florida River
"This year, there have been at least five such collisions on the Suwannee River in northwestern Florida, some of them resulting in serious injuries."
Rent-a-coup
"In March 2004, a group of men with a hired army of about 70 mercenary soldiers set out to topple the government of the tiny West African nation of Equatorial Guinea and install a new one. Ostensibly led by a political opposition leader but actually controlled by the white mercenary officers, this new regime would plunder the recently discovered oil wealth of Equatorial Guinea, enriching the coup's architects by billions of dollars."
Meanwhile, in North Korea...:
"A national seminar on the Songun idea was held at the People's Palace of Culture Thursday. Presented there were five papers which explained and proved in detail the immortal exploits the peerlessly great persons performed by founding the unique Songun idea, carrying forward it and leading the revolutionary cause of Juche along the road of victory. "
Hundreds of artefacts bound for US confiscated:
"A container carrying over 100 Buddha images and artefacts that were about to be smuggled to the United States was impounded on Monday. "
Simon gets telling off from gran
"Simon Cowell got the put-down of his life - from an 86-year-old gran"
Ibex attack ruins girl's birthday
"A birthday party went horribly wrong yesterday when a goat at the Winnipeg Zoo was killed by its herd in front of the birthday girl."
Filipino 'dwarf' judge loses case
"A Philippines judge who said he consulted imaginary mystic dwarves has failed to convince the Supreme Court to allow him to keep his job."
Dolphins smart? Ha!
"Dolphins and whales are dumber than goldfish and don't have the know-how to match a rat"
TV Found to Be a Painkiller for Children
"[C]hildren watching cartoons suffered less pain from a hypodermic needle than kids not watching TV."

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Evil Grannies Drugged Hit-Run Victims:
"Two elderly women accused of killing two homeless men in hit-and-run crashes to collect their life insurance drugged the victims before slowly running them down, authorities said Thursday."
Volcano in Ecuador Wipes Out Villages
"At least a dozen villages on the volcano's western slopes were seriously damaged or destroyed _ televised images showed just the tops of electricity poles jutting out from the smoldering pyroclastic flow that smothered 107 homes in the village of Juibe Grande, on the volcano's northwest slope. Authorities said that village's 600 residents escaped in time."
Class of police recruits is fired
"'They'd gotten together and decided none of them was going to fail,' said Lloyd."
Scouts sue alleged cookie deadbeats
Akron, Ohio, Girl Scouts sue to recover $9,000 in uncollected cookie debts"
Judge Jails Man for Outburst Over Ticket
"A man who cursed in court and gave a judge an obscene gesture was thrown in jail and ordered to pen a letter of apology."
Uninvited guest, sans pants, surprises couple:
"The Moon Lake couple say a partly naked, mud-mired, intoxicated woman mistook their home for her own."
Squirrels' world domination
Savage beast trashes home while owners were away for the weekend.
Mission impossible: rob a cash machine
"Malaysian bank robbers have botched a second daring attempt to steal a cash machine when an excavator they used to carry out the heist got stuck."
Affidavit: Woman Urinated on Plane Floor
Demented "peace activist" terrified fellow passengers, caused security incident and emergency landing in Boston yesterday.
It only took him a week out of rehab to slide back
"Pete Doherty was charged Thursday with seven counts of possessing drugs including cocaine and diamorphine, police said."
Villagers worship 'celestial' rocks
"The fear of an impending doom brought about by the meteorite shower on Monday has been replaced by a religious fervour, with superstitious villagers worshipping fragments of what they believe are meteorites. "
Writer takes animal training to the home
"During her year spent researching a book about the nation's premier school for exotic animal trainers, Amy Sutherland observed students teaching a cougar to walk on a leash, a camel to shoot hoops and a hyena to pirouette on command.

But it was only when Sutherland applied those techniques to train her husband, Scott, to pick up his dirty laundry, drive more slowly and stop stomping around the house when he misplaced his keys that her readership swelled to numbers she had never imagined."
Spacecraft find suggests eruptions on Mars
"Mars' southern polar ice cap is believed to erupt in a violent fit of heated gas every spring in a process that helps explain why the Red Planet has dark spots in that region, scientists said Wednesday"
Braintree official gets pig ear in mail
"A member of the town planning board said a pig’s ear was left in his mailbox to intimidate him from supporting a plan to reopen a back entrance to the South Shore Plaza."
FBI: Man sent fake 'anthrax' to mask child porn charge:
"The man told the FBI that he didn't want to go to prison and have other inmates know he was serving time on child porn charges.

The FBI says that's why he decided to commit another crime so the inmates would believe that is what he was jailed for. "
Man’s Face Burned In Fireworks Stunt:
"A 21-year-old man suffered severe burns to his face and head when he ignited a mortar-style firework that he taped to an old football helmet and placed on his head."
Man hit in head by train is dead:
"The railroad workers said it appeared that Dodd had his head on the rail, using it as a pillow. He was on the south side of the tracks just west of where Milton Street is blocked off at the former railroad crossing. A can of beer, a pack of cigarettes and a bicycle were found nearby."
Journalists 'egged on' suicide victim
"Indian TV journalists keen for a story encouraged a protester to burn himself to death, giving him matches and fuel, a report quoting police in India said."
Backward sunspot could fortell enormous solar cycle
"Satellite operators and NASA mission planners are bracing for this next solar cycle because it is expected to be exceptionally stormy, perhaps the stormiest in decades. Sunspots and solar flares will return in abundance, producing bright auroras on Earth and dangerous proton storms in space."
Judge: Boys can serve sentence after football season
"'I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm going to. I see positive things about participating in football,' he told Dailyn Campbell, a junior quarterback at Kenton High School."

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Bond plane haunted:
"The workers fear the 747 is protected by the spirit of a passenger who died from a heart attack on board."
There is a new Weird Nylon podcast available here!
Please have a listen and let us know your thoughts.
`Video Vigilante' Is Himself Arrested
"Prosecutors say some of his footage was not a result of intrepid camera work. Instead, they say, he paid prostitutes to take their customers to locations where he could easily tape them."
The Mideast's Munich
Brace yourselves, 'cuz it's gonna get a lot worse before it gets any better
Israeli zoo animals show signs of stress
"The baboons got stressed, the lions got fat and zoo officials worry the antelopes might have heart attacks"

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

With shovels, AOL looks for retribution
"AOL is preparing to dig for buried gold and platinum on property in Massachusetts owned by the parents of a man it sued for sending millions of unwanted spam e-mails to its customers"
Councilwoman Accused of Hitting Mayor
"A city councilwoman has been charged with two misdemeanors for allegedly choking and hitting the mayor during a council meeting."
Woman tells police she tossed 69 tickets
"Francesca Cisneros told detectives she thought it was perfectly fine to throw away the tickets mailed to her house"
Breast implants save Israeli from rocket
"An Israeli woman's breast implants saved her life when she was wounded in a Hezbollah rocket attack during Israel's war with the Lebanese group"
"Star Wars" agency helps Israel on rocket threat
"The Pentagon's Missile Defense Agency has begun working with Israel to help find ways to counter enemy rockets, a much shorter-range threat than the 'Star Wars' mission to block ballistic missiles for which is it known, the head of the agency said on Tuesday."

They laughed at Reagan when he proposed a missile defense system. Nobody's laughing now...
Grandad's cult status rises
"An elderly Internet blogger has become an even bigger phenomenon – thanks to Metro.

After we covered the story, the 79-year-old – who has been posting videos under the name geriatric1927 – has made news around the world."

A wonderful youtube discovery! It is well worth checking him out
Fish slapping courtesy of eBay
"Yes, you can bid to slap a man in the face with a fish, and it's all for charity.

The fish can be of your choosing, but it must be fresh and not frozen."
More rampaging squirrels: Lawsuit exposes human collaborators!
"As regular readers will know, Metro has for some time been tracking the Squirrel Menace which threatens our society and our way of life. We've brought you stories of squirrels terrorising small towns, attacking innocent passers-by, defying police officers and even blacking out large parts of Devon.

But now the lawsuit alleges that the squirrels are being given aid and comfort by human collaborators."
Online Dating Is Planned for Orangutans
"'We are going to set up an Internet connection between Indonesia and Apeldoorn so that the apes can see each other and, by means of pressing a button, be able to give one another food, for example"
Nebraska Man Arrested for 226th Time
Unfortunately, Henry Earl makes this guy look like a rank amateur! For those unfamiliar with dear old Henry, here are some stats:
Total
Number of offenses: 936
Number of days spent in jail: 3681

Overall
Average # of days per year spent in jail: 245.40
Average duration of incarceration period: 3.93 days
Average duration of time not spent in jail: 1.68 days
Soviet Relic Becomes Capitalist’s Toy
Hat tip to Kara, who notes "yet again, the geek contest in the comments section trumps the actual article..."
Glut makes wine cheaper than water
"A grape glut has provided a happy return for wine lovers in Australia who can now buy their favourite tipple for less than the cost of bottled water"
'One small step for man,' 700-box tape loss for NASA
The U.S. government has misplaced the original recording of the first moon landing, including astronaut Neil Armstrong's famous 'one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,' a NASA spokesman said on Monday."
Gold fever triggers the next great rush across Australia
"'Gold fever has no known cure,' said Geoff Strang, who spent his holiday in the historic Palmer River goldfield in Queensland, hunting for the ever-elusive nugget. 'The only cure is to find more gold.'"

Or, as Cortez put it, "We Spaniards have a sickness of the heart that can be cured only by gold"
Today, the Swedish Pirate Party launched a new Internet service that lets anybody send and receive files and information over the Internet without fear of being monitored or logged. In technical terms, such a network is called a 'darknet'. The service allows people to use an untraceable address in the darknet, where they cannot be personally identified.
Playboy Prince cops a feel
"PARTY-LOVING Princes William and Harry hugged drunkenly for the camera during a booze-fuelled night out with chums."
Harry also was photographed groping a woman's boob
Mammoths may roam again after 27,000 years
"Bodies of extinct Ice Age mammals, such as woolly mammoths, that have been frozen in permafrost for thousands of years may contain viable sperm that could be used to bring them back from the dead, scientists said yesterday"

Monday, August 14, 2006

Man released vicious dogs to ‘cause some excitement’
"Nancy Wisdom, who owned the home where the dogs were kept, told police she was planning to have the dogs removed because they were so vicious. She also said she ran into Smith at the house and that he was laughing, saying he had just released the dogs to 'cause some excitement.'"
Drug smugglers may be using subs
"Spanish police find abandoned craft they think cocaine traffickers used"
Shitty way to go
"Teen dies after tractor slides into manure pit"
Seven dwarfs better known than high court justices
"Three-quarters of Americans can correctly identify two of Snow White's seven dwarfs while only a quarter can name two U.S. Supreme Court Justices, according to a poll on pop culture released on Monday."
Super Jump Update
Some time in the next 2 weeks, Michel Fournier will make a parachute jump from an altitude of 130,000 feet. His objectives:

- Altitude record for freefall
- Altitude record for human balloon flight
- Time record for longest freefall
- Speed record for fastest freefall

Always remember - you heard it here first!

Iran launches cartoon exhibition on the Holocaust

Here is an article from February with some of the entries and more...
Judge makes teen violators ride the bus
"The judge said she knew she had reached the teen when she ordered her to park her car and ride the school bus and the girl started crying outside her courtroom."
Anti-Tailgating Plan Snarls Traffic
"An anti-tailgating strategy on Interstate 5 backfired in the form of unexpected traffic jams, state transportation officials have discovered."
U.S. border cops grab cheese stash
"Puzzled U.S. border police arrested a Mexican smuggler with 88 pounds of cheese hidden in a special compartment in his truck"
Tortoise surprise found in Kenya
“Airport staff heard movement and funny noises in the containers”
Sinkhole Swallows Part of Mo. Man's Home
"A leisurely Sunday morning turned frightening for one southwest Missouri man when a giant sinkhole opened up and swallowed a portion of his home, including his garage and a car parked inside."
Solved! The case of the mystery maid
"When Debbie Phillips tried to report a crime, police just snickered. 'I told him that someone came into my house and cleaned,' the president of the Putnam County School Board said. 'He just laughed.'"
Man picks wrong spot when nature calls
Doh! Parking lot of state police HQ
Court nixes man's middle name for ballot
"A Tennessee court has ruled that a U.S. Senate candidate can't use his middle name on the ballot. The middle name is 'None of the Above.'"
Thieves rob man after feces attack
Holy Man-Shit Batman!
When Your Landlord Is a Cat
"Apparently, two sisters, who lived together and died within months of each other in late 1999, left their two-story, 1,400-square-foot home on 47th Avenue in Queens to their kitties. (The will appointed a female executor whose sole purpose was to tend the cats and the house. Essentially, she was there at their behest.)"
Disgruntled customer hits patrons with car at McDonald's
"Athens-Clarke County police are looking for a disgruntled McDonald's customer who ran into two other customers with her car after a dispute over who was next in line to order breakfast."
Simpsons to be banned in China?
"The little yellow felllers are causing consternation amongst the ruling Communist party who say that the show's dysfunctional characters and capitalist values are having an adverse affect on Chinese children."
Gangster squirrels strike again
"This time the furry tailed vermin caused a power cut across Exeter in Devon"
Experts meet to decide Pluto fate:
"Astronomers are gathering in the Czech capital, Prague, hoping to define exactly what counts as a planet."

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Yobs play football... with a tortise!
Don't worry - they get their revenge in the next story...
Arpaio threatens to arrest KUPD hosts
"The warning came from Sheriff Joe Arpaio after the hosts paid a listener $550 to eat peanut butter off the rectum of an English Bulldog, according to authorities."

You never want to mess with Sherrif Joe - he runs female chain gangs!
Castro Newspaper Fake?
"Why does Castro's version have black text?"
Apple receives delisting letter from Nasdaq
Short it while you still have the chance!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Men With Breasts: Benign Condition Creates Emotional Scars
If it creates emotional scars, can it truly be called "benign"??
Cattle Mutilation Update!
Argentine cutters back in action after a 4 year delay
Higher paychecks: a left-handed compliment?
"Left-handed men with at least some college education earned 15 percent more than similarly educated right-handers, while those who finished college earned about 26 percent more"
Man Missing After Pulled Into Ocean By Turtle
Rebel turtle didn't like being tagged
Arrest for 37,760 silent calls
"The 44-year-old has admitted allegations of obstructing the operations of Nippon Telegraph and Telephone Corp by making up to 905 calls a day from his mobile phone"
Loose slots?: Machine malfunction costs casino $487,000
"Gamblers at Caesars Indiana raked in nearly a half-million dollars over two days on one slot machine that gave players credit for putting in 10 times as much money as they really had."
Lucille Pope's red oak tree has baffled tree experts, water specialists and nursery professionals.
The knotted, towering tree, more than 100 years old, has become the root of scrutiny in her East Side neighborhood. The tree has gurgled water from its trunk for the past three months."
Antarctic Snowfall Snafu Derails Climate Models
"An improved method of measuring Antarctic snowfall has revealed that previous records showing an increase in precipitation are not accurate, even over a half-century"

Friday, August 11, 2006

Sky News: Man, 81, Caught Smuggling Cocaine
"An 81-year-old man has been arrested as he tried to cross into the US from Mexico with 80kg of cocaine stuffed into his car."
Britney's 'I'm ugly' video
"A bizarre video of Britney Spears belching and ranting at her husband has shocked fans worldwide."
Stones rolling in it, thanks to Dutch firm, tax havens
"The Rolling Stones paid just 1.6 per cent in tax on earnings of $US152 million ($A200 million) last year, thanks to slick management of their fortunes."

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Graft scandal engulfs Brazil MPs:
"A congressional panel in Brazil has recommended that 72 deputies and senators be expelled for taking bribes."

There are 594 deputies and senators in the Brazilian legislature, so roughly 12% were caught
Nation of teenage crack whores:
"The next time you find yourself at the mall surrounded by 30 teenagers, consider this: chances are that one of them is a crack whore."
Nation of Retards
"Nearly a third of Americans don't know (or don't remember) that hijacked jetliners smashed into the World Trade Center towers, the Pentagon and a Pennsylvania field in 2001."
End of the World Update: Iran Hints at Aug. 22 Doomsday for Israel
"Noted Middle Eastern scholar Bernard Lewis warns that Iran is preparing for an apocalyptic 'end of time” – and that it could come as soon as August 22."
UFOs? U're kidding!
"It was supposed to be a harmless stunt to celebrate moving into a new house.

But it left Paul McKinney and Emma Henfrey at the centre of an X Files-style UFO investigation, after some stargazers thought they were witnessing an alien invasion."
Virtual shopping gets green light
"The shopper can choose their purchase from 1.7m (5ft) high images of clothes from Polo Ralph Lauren being projected on to the store's main window.

Shoppers tap on the item they want and run their credit cards through a swipe machine next to the display"
This week's Team Darwin Award:
"Five villagers, including a young boy, were killed in western India overnight when they jumped into a dry well to save an injured pigeon that had fallen in"
Man Arrested After 50 Dead, Dehydrated Bats Found At Home
"[H]e wanted to create a colony to control mosquitoes on his property"
Baby's Decomposing Body Found In Old Truck
"The man said he had bought the 1971 Chevrolet pickup truck just hours earlier from a family who lives in a neighboring mobile home."
Smells Like Dead Fish:
"Camille has beauty and brains. She's a former model and a Phi Beta Kappa with a master's in education. There's a part of her, though, that's not so perfect. She smells like spoiled fish."
Rove works in mysterious ways!! Cindy Sheehan's infidelity with right-wing extremist...
"Cindy Sheehan packed her bags and left Crawford ,Texas, Tuesday afternoon and arrived home in Berkeley, Ca. late Tuesday evening. Sheehan rushed back to do damage control after explosive information became public today about an alleged affair that began while she was still married to her husband Patrick, and after her son Casey Sheehan died in Sadr City, Iraq attempting to rescue members of his trapped squad.

Sources are telling authors Melanie Morgan and Catherine Moy, (American Mourning, Cumberland Press) that Sheehan is furious that the news of her affair has gone public. Sources have identified the boyfriend as former right-winger Lew Rockwell of the Ludwig Von Mises think tank located in Alabama, who is himself married."
Government and IDF racked by unprecedented leadership crisis
"Some senior officers have been mentioning the C-word in private conversations. They have been saying that a coup d'etat might be the only way to prevent an outcome in Lebanon that could embolden the Arab world to join forces with Syria and Iran in an all out assault on Israel, given the fact that such a development would be spurred entirely by the Arab and Moslem world's perception of Israel's leadership as weak, craven and vacillating, and therefore ripe for intimidation. "
Speeding motorist tried to blow up camera
"Engineer Craig Moore, 28, took the drastic action because he feared he would lose his job as a result of the ticket."
I wonder what his employer will think of this!
Would-be robbers get cut ... and run
Home invasion + samurai sword = missing fingers
James Van Allen:
"James Van Allen, who died yesterday aged 91, was largely responsible for the early days of the American space programme, and discovered the radiation belts which surround the Earth and are named after him."
The Doherty Chronicles Resume: Is Pete Back With Kate?
Yes! He's baaaack with Kate, fresh out of "rehab", with a chip in his brain.
Dumb has a new definition...
"Spanish police have arrested four Frenchmen for jumping in front of cars on a busy road so that they could film them and post the footage on the Internet"
Jet lands safely after door falls off
Don't fly on Fokker 100's!!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Frenchman displays longest poem in the world
"The display was witnessed by a court official, so that the 7,547 verses and 3,261 feet can be certified to the authors of Guinness World Records.

Huet has already written two shorter poems — of 217 and 236 feet."
Transsexual chicken wreaks havoc in the henhouse:
"The transsexual hen joined the henhouse last year and was different from the start. She was uninterested in the usual hen chores and laid bad eggs, Hammar-Malmgren said."
British prostitute takes client to court after he refuses to pay
Shagged for 6 hours but didn't have the $1400. Also owes $29k in phone sex bills
3 Mexican Immigrants Found Sewn In Car Upholstry
"U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers arrested a U.S. man Tuesday morning after they say he tried to smuggle three migrants into the country hidden in the seats of his vehicle."
Western values 'are causing mental illness'
"The rapid spread of Western business practices in Japan has caused widespread mental illness and is responsible for a deepening demographic crisis, government officials say."
Austrian highway tunnel closed by cat ... twice
Now they are testing our tunnel security procedures and still we refuse to acknowledge the threat!
Welshman punished for drunken goat abduction
"I've no idea why he did it. I can't make it out because there was no benefit to him whatsoever. He can't be normal to do something like that. He probably didn't think of anybody but himself."

Methinks it was the little head doing the thinking for the big head...
Real men make a 'Menaissance'
"The days of metrosexual men could be numbered as real men gear up for a comeback dubbed a 'menaissance', a survey suggests."
£100,000 Barbie mania
"The biggest Barbie collection ever to be compiled by a single person is to be auctioned."
Dry Tank Foils Mich. Robbery Suspect
"David K. Booth, 44, of Royal Oak, was arrested early Tuesday while sitting in the getaway truck, its gas tank empty"
Woman, 85, Left in Vault at Swiss Bank
"She remained so still that she initially failed to activate either the motion detector or the attached camera"

Hat tip to Kara!
Kentucky Mayor Refuses to Mow His Lawn
"Mayor Mike Dixon posted a sign on the fence around his overgrown lawn. 'There are more important things in life than tall grass,' it reads."
Naked American tourist runs amok
Yet another reason not to shroom abroad
Jumping sturgeon whacks jet-skier
Hat tips to Kara AND Dave, who both sent me this at about the same time!
Attention NYC! Today is National Underwear Day
"On National Underwear Day, we send dozens of models out onto the streets of New York clad in nothing more than the hottest new styles of men's and women's underwear from top brands"
Lost document reveals Columbus as tyrant of the Caribbean
"Christopher Columbus, the man credited with discovering the Americas, was a greedy and vindictive tyrant who saved some of his most violent punishments for his own followers"
Death penalty looms for Vietnam trader
"There cannot be many places in the world where you can get shot for losing money on a foreign exchange deal, but Vietnam is one of them"

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Spheres of influence:
Umberto Eco tells you everything you need to know about the Hollow Earth!
Royal link to phone breach arrests
"British police arrested three men -- including a tabloid newspaper editor -- Tuesday in an investigation that began with complaints from Prince Charles' office about possible telephone eavesdropping"
A blogger shines when news media get it wrong
Charles Johnson of LGF gets a CSM profile.
N.Z. city OKs topless porn star parade
"A lunchtime parade of topless porn stars down the main street of New Zealand's biggest city has been given official approval — as no laws will be broken."
Ohio Executes Man Convicted of Killing 3:
"A man who said he worshipped Satan and enjoyed killing three people, stabbing and beating them and stomping on them with steel-toed boots, was executed Tuesday."
China Turns Out Mummified Bodies for Displays
"The mastermind behind this operation is Gunther von Hagens, a 61-year-old German scientist whose show, “Body Worlds,” has attracted 20 million people worldwide over the past decade and has taken in over $200 million by displaying preserved, skinless human corpses with their well-defined muscles and sinewy tissues."
Rail Staff Fury Over Loo Spray
Rail workers have kicked up a stink - after being sprayed with loo waste from passing trains.
C'mon kids, let's go to Army World!
"The Army is considering a proposal to allow a private developer to build a military-themed park that would include Cobra Gunship rides and bars including a '1st Division Lounge.'"
Police Called to Paul McCartney's Home
Yes folks - Paul McCartney is a f-ing idiot, part XXII
Prosecutors unveil damning videotape of suspect cops: ‘Yeah, I’ll hook you up’:
"In one of two videos shown by prosecutors during a court hearing for accused cops Roberto “Kiko” Pulido, 41, Carlos Pizarro, 36, and Nelson Carrasquillo, 35, a man identified by authorities as Pulido can be heard agreeing to guard a shipment of 500 kilograms of cocaine, plus 5 more kilograms of heroin at $3,000 per kilo, saying “Yeah, I’ll hook you up.” "
NY tiger owner's case thrown out
"A New Yorker who was mauled by his pet tiger has failed in his bid to sue after police searched his flat without a warrant."
Sea-bed plan to store carbon:
"Storing carbon dioxide under the sea-bed could help to reduce global warming, according to US scientists."

It could also poison marine ecosystems
Britain's digital tribes revealed:
"Households in Britain can be classified into 23 'e-types' depending on their access to technology, say researchers."
Cyclopian Child Born in Chennai
Barf bag tip to Kara!
African desert has its own X-files
Who needs crop circles when you have desert circles?

Monday, August 07, 2006

Russia police looks for missing safes
"Russian criminal police are trying to track down two huge safes containing classified documents that had been removed from its offices by mistake as scrap metal, Kommersant daily newspaper reported Monday."
Starbucks fires commie union organizer
Let the MSM shit-fit begin!
Fireman Spins in Dryer
What myspace.com is to teenage idiots, youtube.com is for the rest of us! Now the pinheads are investigating! Those in doubt about the stupidity of youtube contributors should sample some of the 218 other such videos listed under youtube's "Explore More Videos" section...
The perfume that smells of cheese
"Cheese, cars and the smell of sweat are just some of the latest scents to be captured and bottled for a market eager to try unique and individual new perfumes."
Heather, Macca and the missing £1million
Paul McCartney is a f'ing idiot, part XXI
Shopping cart of horrors:
"The American Academy of Pediatrics has announced that shopping carts are little more than rolling torture chambers, injuring 24,000 defenseless kids in 2005 alone."
N. Korea Update: New Feature Film Released
"It perfectly answers the questions as to where lie the pleasure and happiness of the Korean people in the Songun era and what is the genuine ideal of the younger generation.
The audience is deeply impressed to watch the movie telling about the touching stories about pleasant and unpleasant things that happen in the scientist's family. Watching the movie, they feel as if they were in the same world as the leading parts of the film.
Impressive scenes, emotional and meditative melody and truthful acting clearly show part of the efflorescing Korean moviedom in the new century."
Scores sucked out of plane:
"More than 120 people are feared dead in the Democratic Republic of Congo after falling out of a cargo plane in mid-flight."
Brooklyn man charged for lewdness at jury duty
Yet another reason not to spank your monkey in the courthouse
Man nearly died after eating poison meatballs
"An Auckland man was almost killed by a plate of poisoned meatballs which he bought from his local butchery. The meatballs had been accidentally poisoned by a kitchen hand who thought he was adding flavouring"
Law Rubs Massage Therapist the Wrong Way
"LaRae Lundeen Fjellman could lose her state license as a massage therapist for having sexual relations with her husband."
Love my dog, love my dog soup
"Man's best friend is still a tasty dish to South Korean dog owners, according to a poll showing one in three canine-lovers also eats dog soup"
Jewish references erased in newly found Nazi Bible
"Their brief: 'To cleanse church texts of all non-Ayran influences.' The first to go were the 10 Commandments. The Nazi 12 run: 'Honour God and believe in him wholeheartedly. Seek out the peace of God. Avoid all hypocrisy. Holy is your health and life! Holy is your wellbeing and honour! Holy is your truth and fidelity! Honour your father and mother – your children are your aid and your example. Keep the blood pure and your honour holy! Maintain and multiply the heritage of your forefathers. Always be ready to help and to forgive. Honour your Fuehrer and master! Joyously serve the people with work and sacrifice. That is what God wants from us!' "
Universe Might be Bigger and Older than Expected
"Scientists now estimate the universe to be about 13.7 billion years old (a figure that has seemed firm since 2003, based on measurements of radiation leftover from the Big Bang) and about 156 billion light-years wide.

The new finding implies that the universe is instead about 15.8 billion years old and about 180 billion light-years wide."
Fancy claws to save your house
"They can now fit brightly-coloured plastic caps over their cats' and dogs' claws, which means the animals cannot damage sofas or, indeed, scratch people."
Sunday lunch slump explained
"Scientists already knew that humans have a built-in mechanism which makes the brain alert when the body needs fuel.

But the new study has shown that the process also works in reverse – causing us to fall asleep when we have satisfied our hunger."
Wanted: dead and alive
The truth about Zombies revealed once again
Nanny State Update: Tug of war officially banned
Someone might get hurt so now it's banned forever. How much longer are we going to tolerate this kind of drivel???
Driving Lesson Turns Deadly for a NJ Family
Hat tip to commenter Dr-Paco-Neale!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

A smoke-clearing blogswarm
Reuters' faked photos the biggest scandal to hit the MSM since Rathergate.
Shut-Ins Wanted: Russia Seeks Volunteers for Simulated Mars Mission:
"Russia's space agency is seeking volunteers for a 520-day 'flight' to Mars and back.

To qualify in the first round of selection, you would need to be aged between 25 and 50 years."
Men's appetite for large ladies
"Hungry men are more likely to be attracted to larger ladies"
Bus driver: 'Does anyone know the way?'
Sadly, this happens more often than one would expect. I've personally had similar situations 3 times in the last 2 years...
Designer creates floating bed
"Warns people with piercings not to enter magnet field between floor, bed"
Kiwis register cars as hearses!
"New Zealanders have been registering their cars as hearses to get out of paying full road tax."
One giant blunder for mankind: how NASA lost moon pictures
"But just 37 years after Apollo 11, it is feared the magnetic tapes that recorded the first moon walk - beamed to the world via three tracking stations, including Parkes's famous 'Dish' - have gone missing at NASA's Goddard Space Centre in Maryland."

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Friday, August 04, 2006

Da Matta remains hospitalized after crash with deer
"Champ Car driver Cristiano da Matta remained hospitalized Friday, a day after his race car collided with a deer that had wandered onto the track during a test session at Road America."
Yalla Ya Nasrallah:
"Periodically, as a form of psychological warfare, the Israelis hack into Lebanese television and play this video, which expresses disdain--to put it mildly--for Hassan Nasrallah, the leader of Hezbollah"
Idiot Criminal of the Year
"'Catch me if you can.'

Those were the parting words of a taunting missive containing a white power sent to a police station earlier this week.

Police had no trouble finding their suspect: He signed the letter and included his return address on the envelope."

Hat tip to Kara!
American Civil War Violence Continues
2 more injured, 150ish years later
638 ways to kill Castro:
"As Wayne Smith, former head of the US interests section in Havana, pointed out recently, Cuba had the effect on the US that a full moon has on a werewolf."
Congo ballots go up in flames
Don't worry - it was only 25% of the votes cast in the capital.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Strange 'twin' new worlds found:
"A pair of strange new worlds that blur the boundaries between planets and stars have been discovered beyond our Solar System."
How the CIA diagnoses leaders from afar
"Secret unit uses all forms of intelligence to keep tabs on Castro, others"
Man jailed for waving Old Glory in buff
"A man was arrested and charged with public lewdness for walking naked near a highway while waving an American flag."
Google Geek Unearths Military Secret
Chinese mega terrain model finally hits the MSM. Readers of this blog learned about it 2 weeks ago.
Man snaps pups' necks, threatens to kill girlfriend
"A St. Paul man who was arguing with his girlfriend killed 10 puppies in front of her by snapping their necks and then threatened to do the same to her"
Man charged with cruelty for nearly beheading dog
"Killing was retaliation for death of chickens, suspect said"
Pirate Update!
4 attacks last week, including this one:
" 27.07.2006, 67 nm from Langkawi, Malacca straits.
Five armed pirates attacked two fishing boats and kidnapped four crew members. They are demanding a ransom from the owners for the release of the crew. "
Babbling naked man draws cops to pot farm
"Robert Ferranti probably has more than the usual regrets of someone found rolling around naked on a neighborhood street, babbling, immune to pepper spray and accused of punching a police officer."
Bear takes a chance in Tahoe casino
Now they're disrupting our gambling! Will we ever resist???
Beer saves the planet
"It may sound like an excuse made up by someone heading off for a night out – but drinking beer is good for the planet."
Brand food loses power
"Supermarket own-label products are not just cheaper than famous brands but also taste better, consumer experts said."
Nad trap man set free
"A sunbather was left writhing in agony when his testicles became trapped between slats of wood in his deckchair."
Speedy toddler
Waterskiing at age 22 months
Teen Crashes Into Tree Full of Bees
"'Those bees were mad,' said Volunteer Fire Chief Kent Gilbert, who was stung at least 50 times while trying to pull the 16-year-old driver from the wreckage. 'I've never seen bees, especially honeybees, attack like that.'"
Cambodians to Throw a Potty Party
"Sleng joins just four other villages in Cambodia that has latrines for every person"
N.H. Woman Bakes Cookies on Dashboard
"[A]nyone can do it; the only requirement is for the outside temperature to be at least 95 degrees, so it will rise to about 200 degrees in the car."
Woman Gets Stuck on Toilet, Suffers Burns
Superglue vandals strike again!
Paris: 'Who's Tony Blair?'
"Celebrity rich girl Paris Hilton has demonstrated her grasp of world affairs by asking: 'Who's Tony Blair?'"
Spain joins the anti-human movement
First they cut and run from Iraq, now they embrace the animal rebellion.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Mother Sentenced For Cutting Son's Tongue
Headline author leaves out key words: "...with hot scissors"
'Buddha rays' spark statue-gazing
"Thousands of Sri Lankans gathered at temples today after media reports that coloured images of the Buddha had begun emitting miraculous rays."
Mayor daughter busted for DUI
"Weaving in traffic without headlights"
Enron bankers' convictions overturned
"For Judge Jolly to overturn a conviction, it must not have passed the smell test"
Bog men turn up well-groomed:
"[A]lthough life in the Iron Age may have been nasty, brutish and short, people still found time for good grooming."

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Art and Marketing All Mashed Up:
"Just days after actor Mel Gibson went on an anti-Semitic tirade to a Los Angeles sheriff's deputy, the Internet weighed in with the kind of thoughtful commentary users have come to expect"