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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Report Exonorates Lance Armstrong of Doping:
"A 132-page report recommended convening a tribunal to discuss possible legal and ethical violations by the authorities and to consider 'appropriate sanctions to remedy the violations' and deter future misconduct."
Yet another reason to avoid flying in Equitorial Guinea:
"Their operating licences, including that of the national carrier, were revoked after aircraft inspections carried out by South African experts."
"Radioactive Waste Leaking into Champagne Water Supply"
Greenpeace tries to kill the French sparkling wine industry
Ice Age beasts' ivory sold as trinkets
Woolly mammoth ivory on the market!
Vibrant Leipzig defies dour image:
"Any World Cup fans who arrive early in Leipzig could be in for a big surprise."
It's a goth-fest! The "Wave-Goth-Treffen"
Zimbabwe introduces $100,000 note:
"To help consumers as inflation exceeds 1,000%."
Ex-mob boss now a devastating informant
"The killers put the dead canary in the freezer. Later, their work finished, they placed the bird inside the mouth of the equally deceased Bruno Facciola."

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Weapon of Mass Destruction Targets Sex Shop In Waldo
Chemical Warfare vs. Adult Supercenter
Islam vs. France, round 2
"At least 100 youths, many brandishing baseball bats, clashed with police in a new outbreak of violence in the same Parisian suburbs in which nationwide rioting started last autumn"
A minor explosion in a coffin rocked Carlisle’s crematorium after a funeral service yesterday afternoon.
The cause is still being investigated – but it is believed to have been the result of a pacemaker being left inside a body.

Pedophiles to launch political party
Dutch pervs want to lower the age of consent to 12!
Test Tube Babies Come Out Wrong Color!
"THE white dad whose wife had Asian twins in an IVF blunder told yesterday how his son declared: “I want to be pink like you, Daddy.”"
Baby Born With Third Arm
Hat tip to Kara!
Senate Leader Took Free Boxing Tickets
It's embarassing how politicians are so easily bought.
FCC Language Police Update:
"The commission held that the following words or phrases were not indecent or profane in the contexts at issue (and also not presumptively profane): 'poop,' 'kick-ass,' 'sex with a dog,' 'singers that suck,' 'a lot of crap,' 'my ass,' 'you suck,' 'dick,' 'dickhead,' 'hell,' 'damn,' 'bitch,' 'pissed off,' 'up yours,' 'ass,' 'for Christ's sake,' 'kiss my ass,' 'fire his ass,' 'ass is huge,' 'wiping his ass,' 'sucked' and 'sit their asses down.'"

However, fuck and shit are even deeper in the doghouse:

"Impermissible Expletives. As noted, the "F-Word" and "S-Word" and variations thereof such as "bullshit" are now presumptively profane. They are also likely to be found indecent in almost all contexts, including where used fleetingly and unintentionally.

Thus, the commission found that the following broadcasts were all indecent and profane: (1) the live broadcast on a morning news interview show of an interviewee's single reference to someone as a "bullshitter"; (2) the live broadcast of a performer saying "fuck 'em" on an awards show, as well as the live broadcast of a performer saying "shit" and "fucking simple" on another awards show; (3) Detective Sipowitz's single use of "bullshit" on episodes of "NYPD Blue"; (4) multiple uses of the "F-Word" and "S-Word" (and variations thereof) by interviewees on a PBS/Martin Scorsese documentary of the history of the blues; and (5) repeated use of the words "shit," "bullshit" and "owl shit" in a feature movie.

The commission recognized one key exception: the movie "Saving Private Ryan." It reiterated that the repeated use of the "F-Word" and the "S-Word" (and variations thereof) in "Saving Private Ryan" was not indecent or profane because the words are essential to the artistic integrity of the work."

University suspends exams for World Cup
Getting their priorities straight!
Baby Burnt In Tumble Dryer Horror:
"But when the baby spilled a drink on herself, he allegedly put the child inside the tumble dryer and switched the power on."

Monday, May 29, 2006

Computer techs turn to fisticuffs for fun
Geeks violate the first rule of Fight Club
U.S. is an impatient nation, poll finds
"Americans get antsy after 5-minute phone wait"

Hat tip to Kara!
Indonesian Villagers Blame Magic, Not Flu
"'I think the family was cursed,' she said. 'It must be, because if it's bird flu, why only their family? Their blood?'"
Cartoon Set Off Riots in Northwest Iran
This time they are racist anti-Azeri cartoons, not ones of Mohammed.
Are Tom and Katie on the rocks already?
"Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes reportedly got into a big fight — that ended with Holmes deciding to take baby Suri to Ohio to introduce the infant to family and friends"

Sunday, May 28, 2006

More proof that celebrities totally abuse fucked up countries:
"As the world awaited the birth of the child at a luxury villa complex on the coast, Namibian authorities said they had bowed to pressure from Jolie and Pitt and granted them the right to ban foreign journalists from entering the country - a remarkable move for the Government of any sovereign state."
Bush III is being primed to run
We've tried GHWB and W - ready for Jeb?
557 arrested in Miami:
"A total of 557 people were arrested between Thursday morning and Saturday night on Miami Beach, where revelers flocked for a celebration of hip-hop music and culture known as Urban Beach Week. Most arrests were for disorderly conduct and intoxication."
Ted Nugent in Fine Form in the UK!
'Never has there been such an upsurge in crime since they confiscated all your weapons. Why don't you arm yourselves? You Limeys have a zipper that's locked in the closed position, because you don't have a constitution. You're rewarded for shutting the fuck up.'
Blast from the Past: The Eiffel Birdman of 1911:
"He expected onlookers would measure the duration of his flight. Instead they measured the depth of his crater"
With footage from the actual event...
Police nab ghostly pigeon
"A pigeon with a miniature plastic skull dangling around its neck with glowing red bulbs in the eye sockets is in the custody of the police after panic about a ghost which has been attacking people leaving scratch marks in five villages in West Bengal's Birbhum district."
Germans should stop feeling Holocaust guilt: Ahmadinejad
"'I believe the German people are prisoners of the Holocaust. More than 60 million were killed in World War Two ... The question is: Why is it that only Jews are at the center of attention?,' he said in the interview published on Sunday."
Is it just me, or are animals becoming more anti-human?

The United States’ annual average of animal-related fatalities per year during the 1990s:

Average fatalities per year: 0.4

Average fatalities per year: 0.3

Average fatalities per year: 18

Average fatalities per year: 15

(vehicular collisions)
Average fatalities per year: 130

Average fatalities per year: 0.6
New political tactic: Heart attack ads
They tried this tactic on Cheney, but not in TV ads
Idiot Criminals of the Week:
"A trio of hungry burglars helped their own undoing by leaving a trail of snack wrappers after stealing six packages of instant lottery tickets from a convenience store."
Aide says Jefferson cooked up scheme:
"A former aide to U.S. Rep. William Jefferson, D-New Orleans, said Friday that it was the congressman's idea to solicit bribes to promote a telecommunications deal in West Africa that began as a legitimate business venture."
Bird Flu Case May Be First Double Jump
Human-to-Human-to-Human - we're all doomed now!
East Timor in total chaos - UN runs away
They created the mess, now they can't handle it anymore

Saturday, May 27, 2006

You Never Want to Cross an Elf:
"Careless or disrespectful humans who trespass on forest glens, rivers, or lakes considered sacred to elves may suffer terrible consequences—even cruel deaths. Entrepreneurs who wish to desecrate land whereon lie fairy circles or mounds in order to build a road or construct a commercial building may find themselves combating an unseen enemy who will accept only their unconditional surrender."
Hundreds of Millions for Top Hedgies
"A Ranking of Top Earning Hedge Fund Managers Pegs Average Pay at $363 Million"
Beauty salon brawl:
“Speak English! This is America!”
Man stabs 20 at opening of Berlin train station

German speakers can read more here and here and here. There's also a lovely "Amokläufe Chronologie" here. Apparently, this is the 8th bloody rampage in Germany in the last 4 years!
Super Bowl Hero Sentenced For Distributing Cocaine
Sold 20 ounces of coke for $13k to undercover cops
Pat Robertson Says He Leg-Pressed 2,000 Pounds
God works in mysterious ways, but experts are dubious

Friday, May 26, 2006

Father's marijuana accidentally sent to St. Paul school in 6-year-old's bookbag:
"Corey E. Randle, 29 of St. Paul, told police that he had been selling the drugs for about two weeks to pay for cigarettes"
Ice Cube Joins Voices Against Oprah
Rap stars whine that Oprah only caters to older white women:

"She's had damn rapists, child molesters and lying authors on her show. And if I'm not a rags-to-riches story for her, who is?"
'Shots fired' actually an air hammer
Congressional offices in lockdown for 5 1/2 hours. Now the local bars and freeways are flooded with pissed off staffers who are stuck dealing with Memorial Day weekend traffic instead of escaping early.
'Dead' Everest climber 'is alive'
But for how much longer?
'I like to be big'
6 years old, over 200 lbs...
Treasury dept. ends Spanish-American War!
A "temporary" tax on long-distance phone calls initiated at the start of the 4 month long war is finally ended 108 years later.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Bush Orders FBI-Congress Documents Sealed
Interesting twist on a slowly brewing constitutional crisis...
The Euston Manifesto
You've already heard of neo-cons; today witness the birth of the neo-libs...
Deaths as Benin tanker truck explodes
Locals were stealing fuel from the broken down truck. Probably some idiot lighting a cigarette...
Cops Seek Couple Accused in Grisly Videotape Rape, Murder
Evil on the loose! Cops think they may be involved in many more...
Gun battles rage on in Mogadishu
Somalia in total chaos again
Congress passes funeral protest ban
Freaky protesters get a law aimed at them!
Arianna Huffington gets good goss on Bill and Hillary
See 13th graf and on:
"...he was the surprise speaker at an under-the-radar gathering of Democratic heavy hitters -- including deep-pocket donors like George Soros -- in Austin, Texas. The event was a meeting of the Democracy Alliance, the Rob Stein-led group that is helping build and fund a progressive infrastructure to match the GOP's well-oiled political machine."
"Sources present at the off-the-record meeting tell me that during a Q & A session following Bill Clinton's speech, someone asked the former president about Hillary's support of the war.
Clinton became incensed and unleashed the kind of fury that former Clinton staffers tell me they are very familiar with.
Apparently Clinton directed his anger first at the questioner (indeed, the question itself as if it were impertinent and inappropriate), then at the whole crowd, which was startled at his vehemence."
'Alien message' sparks tsunami panic
Everyone is getting in on today's End of the World!
Pete Doherty Leaves Comatosed Cousin In The Street
He's turned into a daily weird news feature!
Today is the Day!
The fragments of net.dreaded Comet Schwassman-Wachmann are supposed to smack the Earth today!

Have a nice day!
Nanny state Texas bans cannonball dive!
Safety-Nazis continue to ruin America

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Congo holds foreigners over coup plot
Mercs busted before they could pull the trigger. Looks like they should have read Luttwak first...
The Pi Code
Who needs Da Vinci or the Bible when you got Pi!
Cattle mutilation update!
Still going like crazy! And still no arrests after over 40 years...
Gator hysteria sweeps Florida!
Last week it was Gators:3, Humans:1

Now the score is sort of evened:
Gators:3, Humans: 2, +1 prisoner
God seizes another 3
"The voice of God called upon her to sacrifice her three children"

So, she dropped them, one by one, into San Francisco bay last October
Fun fun fun! Speaker of the House Hastert is under investigation by the FBI too!
Somebody is cleaning house!

So nice that this is happening in an election year. I advise all Americans to vote for anyone but an incumbant, and preferably someone under the age of 40.
House Leaders Demand FBI Return Papers
Congress is extremely pissed-off
A.C.L.U. May Block Criticism by Its Board
Nice to see where they really stand on tolerance and diversity of opinion!
Former Nazi removed from space hall of fame
Might as well close down the Space Hall of Fame if you are gonna start excluding the Nazis. Like it or not, there'd be practically nobody left!
Statutory rape law ruled unconstitutional
Ireland paves the way!
"The court made its decision on several grounds, including the failure to allow the defence that a genuine mistake had been made about a girl's age"
Everest pioneer rips those who left dying man
A striking lack of character amongst Everest mountaineers!
Hundreds Arrested in 'Operation Global Con'
565 "Nigerian internet" scammers scooped up.
Air duel risk to Aegean tourists

Greek and Turk air-games are endangering YOU!
Pete asks newsagent for the 'hardest stuff'
The Doherty chronicles continue...
UN probes Turkey 'forced suicide'
A new twist on "honor-killings"
Stuff On My Cat
Classic photos of substance abusing felines!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Voyager II detects solar system's edge
Launched in 1977, and moving away at a rate of 3.3 AU per year.
Sleeping pills offer wake-up call to vegetative patients:
"Clinical researchers have discovered that they can rouse semi-comatose patients by giving them, bizarrely, a common sleeping drug."

Y'all might want to rethink those living wills...
Recaptured escapee update: You can run, but you can't hide
On the lam for 38 years, he was found using his mother's maiden name. Not too brite...
Yet another deadly virus to worry about
Island-hopping beastie from the Indian Ocean coming our way!
Politically Incorrect in Holland!

You can see why folks are pissed here. Warning - it's hard to get much more Incorrect than this!
Bird Flu finally goes human-to-human in Indonesia?
All confirmed cases in the cluster can be directly linked to close and prolonged exposure to a patient during a phase of severe illness.
Yet another humiliation for the anti-war left
Their latest video hero Jesse Macbeth, who claimed to be an Army ranger back from Iraq, is exposed as a total fraud who never even served. Now he's being tossed under the bus by those he humiliated. Even the folks behind his video have gone silent.
10,000 Foxes Roam London
Hat tip to Kara!
Botox could be new wrinkle in prostate treatment:
"Injecting Botox into the prostates of men with enlarged prostates appears to ease symptoms"

Hat tip to Kara!
Baboons raid S. African beach homes
"Unruly gangs are raiding the expensive homes that line the spectacular coast of South Africa's Cape Peninsula, clearing out pantries, emptying fridges, and defecating over the designer furnishings."

Hat tip to Kara!
Driver Has 18 Times Legal Alcohol Limit
BAC of 7.27 g/l

No, not .727, but 7.27!
Pirate Update!
6 attacks last week, including this:

"Four armed Maoists and a female accomplice boarded as passengers onboard two passenger vessels. Most of the passengers and crew were forced to disembarked but ten people were held as hostages. The hostages were later freed and the Maoists blew up the vessels. The hijackers were then pursued by armed police as they tried to escape"
Greek, Turkish fighter jets crash
The pilots were playing chicken with each other over the Aegean.
India on suicide alert after shares plunge
India's market dropped 20 percent over the last 3 trading sessons.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Slovak doctor says solar flares could raise strokes:
"We see a correlation between the human body and lunar and solar phenomena, even if we don't know exactly what explains the connection"
Falling ice lands in Brigantine:
"The giant ice cube, measuring about 2 feet around, fell from the sky at about 7:34 p.m. and made a foot-deep crater in the resident's lawn"
Eight rare albino alligators have been born in Brazil's Panatal region
No doubt the ''National Organization for Albinism and Hypopigmentation'' will be whining about the lack of "realistic, sympathetic or heroic characters with albinism"
20 000 tourists under the sea
"You know you need a car and a dishwasher, but maybe you also need a submarine and you do not know it."
Robotic Combat Vehicle for Border Patrol
Israel ushers in the Terminator era!
The Coming Islamic Republic of Russia
"If present trends continue, the population of Russia will decline from 143 million to 100 million by 2050. Not only that, but by 2050, most of the population may be Moslem"
Menstruation Is Fast Becoming Optional
"'I have a ton of young girls in college who are doing this,' says Dr. Mindy Wiser-Estin, a gynecologist in Little Silver, N.J., who did it herself for years. 'There's no reason you need a period.'"

Sunday, May 21, 2006 | Filing: Tape Shows Lawmaker Taking Money:
"A congressman under investigation for bribery was caught on videotape accepting $100,000 in $100 bills from an FBI informant whose conversations with the lawmaker also were recorded"
Elton John says photographers "should all be shot"
"I'm talking ... you fuckwit, fucking photographers you should be shot, you should be all shot. Thank you."
Police union launches anti-Newsday campaign
"They operate in total secrecy, in the shadows, unelected, answering to no one, exerting undue influence ... bending facts against the police, the very people that protect us"
10-year old steals SUV and takes off on joy ride:
"10-year old Shavela Nix was the driver and during her 15-minute joyride she sideswiped several cars and led police on a chase that reached speeds of 40 to 50 miles per hour.

Police said the girl had difficulty seeing the road and would go down to hit the gas and then pop her head back up to see where she was going."
Women Police in Iran!
Brilliant video of Iranian women police showing their stuff. Where else will you see burka-clad women rapelling from tall buildings???

Hat tip to commenter "anon" for the link!
Police Seize Millions Of Dollars In Drugs:
"Inside the boxes were 83 pounds of marijuana and close to 96,000 pounds of ecstasy"

96,000 pounds of ecstasy? I think not. It's probably 96,000 hits of X.
Congress Faces Multiple Criminal Probes
"'We have an entire generation who imagines their member of Congress in an orange jumpsuit,' ... 'It's like members of Congress don't have any shame.'"
Life is too short for the wronf job!
Great advertising images

Saturday, May 20, 2006

FBI searches congressman's office as part of a bribery investigation
"Saturday marked the first time the FBI has ever searched a congressman's Capitol Hill office"
Spectacular Eiffel Tower BASE jump video!
King of the Eiffel Tower Johan Vervoot pulls it off for the 5th(!) time!
Four arrested in Romania for spreading bird flu
They are charged with "spreading disease among animals" and could face up to 15 years in prison if convicted.
Gators: 3, Humans: 1
It was an 11-foot-4-inch, 407-pound alligator. Now it's being turned into leather and pub snacks.
The 13th Root: The Apocalyptical and Official Integer Root
"Last month, a French student named Alexis Lemaire became the first human to mentally calculate the 13th root of a 200-digit number"
The Highest Parachutist:
"During his 26 km freefall, which lasted four and a half minutes, he accelerated to 990 km/hr, becoming both the first man to touch outer space and the first to break the sound barrier outside of an aircraft"

Be sure to watch the video!
Snoop Dogg barred from UK forever
That's what happens when you instigate a riot at Heathrow
The Sarong Theorem Archive:
"An electronic archive of images of people proving theorems while wearing sarongs"
Are automobiles living beings ?
Some of the world’s top scientists say automobiles should be classified as living beings -- and that they also have “minds” and possibly even “souls."
Germans negative on Islam, poll shows
Wie sagt man "tipping-point" auf Deutsch???
100 Bullshit Jobs...And How to Get Them
"The scholarly discipline of Bullshit Studies has blossomed in the last several years, fertilized by a number of critical works on the subject and the growing importance of the issue across a wide range of professions."

Hat tip to Instapundit!
Own-Goal Update!
"Democratic activist groups that mounted an aggressive campaign against President George W. Bush in the 2004 election have a new target: Democrats who support his policies."

A Californian beachfront home is set to break record books in the United States by selling for $75 million

"The car-mad owner not only had the car museum built into his house but also insisted on an underground garage big enough to house 16 vehicles."
Pity Poor Evel Knievel
"The man who survived 300 perilous motorcycle jumps and once climbed into a rocket-powered cycle to fly over a canyon, now stays close to an oxygen tank, ingests 50 pills a day and sucks on lollipops that deliver fentanyl, a heavy-duty painkiller. "

Can I get some of those lollipops too?!?

Friday, May 19, 2006

Evil grannies
Hat tip to Kara!
Iran eyes badges for Jews
UPDATE: Those with contacts in Iran strongly dispute the claim:
“None of my sources in Iran have heard of this,” he said. “I don’t know where this comes from.”

True or not, the report itself is weird enough to be worthy of blogging!
Official: Africans pay $1,800 for 1GB of data
I guess the MPAA doesn't have to worry about them yet!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Oceans have fatal attraction
"A team of British scientists has discovered the first evidence of seawater deep inside the earth."
Pride of fleet makes toxic return
Yet another humiliation for France
Ex-senator linked to oil-for-food claims
The Torch becomes the first US politician to get dragged into Saddam's mess. Gotta love New Jersey!
America creates an artificial reef off Pensacola, Florida
Photos of the USS Oriskany being sunk off the coast.
Militant Populists with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
Dunnigan diagnoses Hugo Chavez and Evo Morales.
Hunting Clubs and the Future of Iraq:
"It's payback time, and to hell with arrests and trials. Let's just go out and kill those bastards."
Genius Political Rhetoric Of The Year
"We've all heard the rule that the first one to compare his opponents' political goals to those of the Nazis' loses the argument.

I'm afraid that rule has to modified. What if you compare your own political goals to those of the Nazis?"

McCartney may lose quarter of fortune in divorce
"That would equate to roughly $1.9 million for every week of their short-lived four-year marriage."
Albinos condemn ‘Da Vinci’ killer as stereotype
“The Da Vinci Code” will be the 68th movie since 1960 to feature an evil albino.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Elvis's home sold to Uri Geller
He got it on eBay for $905k!
"As the clock closed on the bidding [on] Sunday, I felt intuitively I got the price," Geller said. "Suddenly the radio started playing an Elvis song. That was Elvis telling me we got the house."

Hat tip to Kat!
World Cup mascot firm goes bust
Nobody loved Goleo the Lion

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Brazilian chaos continues
Day 4 Update: Police say 33 suspected gang members were shot by police in the 24 hours until Tuesday lunchtime.

Body count reported to-date: 115
Second Phone Company Questions 'USA Today' NSA Story
Looks like USA Today got punk'd! Either that or this was a deliberate plant designed to flush out leakers, rope-a-dope style.
06/06/06 - Day of the Devil?
Only 20 days left!
Pirate Update!
Another busy week, with 9 attacks, including this brutal one in the South China Sea:
"About 13 pirates armed with guns boarded a fishing vessel underway. They opened fire with automatic weapons killing four crewmembers and injuring three others. They stole ship's property and escaped"
Super Columbine Massacre RPG
Those who wish to play can click here!
Our first Podcast!

Dear friends - please enjoy our first weird news podcast - Weird NyLon
Produced in London by my co-conspirator Paul P.
Pat Buchanan on the Da Vinci Code:
The gift keeps on giving!

"But that it will be a box-office smash, that it is the subject of lavish praise in the press, that it is the best-selling novel of the 21st century, tells us we live not just in a post-Christian era, but in an anti-Catholic culture not worth defending or saving, for it is truly satanic."

(emph. mine)
Brutal lives of Stone Age Britons
Yes folks, the fantasy of peaceful neolithics getting along with each other kum-bay-yah style is just that - a fantasy.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Human cannonballs!

Flashback to March: Could they have been inspired by this?
Brazilian gang 'war' leaves more than 80 dead
Gangs have taken over Brazil!
Student Busted For MySpace Bong Photo
Soooo totally busted!

"Police said their search of Blanchard's car revealed more hashish and marijuana, compact digital scales, packaging materials, bongs, four knives, more than a dozen hypodermic syringes, gun powder and potassium nitrate"
Clinton bows to Father Bush
The photo tells you everything you need to know about American politics

Sunday, May 14, 2006

House passes $10M hydrogen prize
Attention all inventors! Here's your chance
Is Britney planning a surprise divorce?!?
K-Fed still fucking clueless no doubt.
BBC falls for 'expert' cabbie's banter
More proof the television tax in UK must be abolished. Just what are you paying for my dear Brits? Drivel like this?
Yet another classic
Idiot teens brag about arson on their website and are busted.
Nobody loves a dead cow on their dam
But that doesn't mean anyone's willing to do a damn thing about it!
Cash seized by cops ends up in landfill
Interesting how nobody seemed to ask the obvious question:
Just why was the money kept in "a broken desk drawer that was being discarded"?

Surely you keep that kind of cash in a safe, unless (of course) it's a semi-official slush fund...

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Da Juice is on Da Loose!
'It was good for me. It helped me get away. It's a car that I personally made famous. The car has escape-ability if you ever get into some trouble.'
'Weird' Cruise loses star power
His favorability numbers are comparable to W's.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Oil pipeline explosion kills up to 200 in Nigeria
Yet another Nigerian petrol-theft mass incineration. This happens a couple times every year. This one gets high score for 2006.
US Senators Hope to Give Dalai Lama a Congressional Gold Medal
Surely this counts as government support of religion?
Watch what you write in your emails!
How many times do we have to tell you this!?!?!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Lindsay Lohan's Record Company Fined $12M
She was made by payola, so it's only right that her company pays out.
DNA Tests Confirm Polar - Grizzly Hybrid
Now the only question is whether it's called a Grolar Bear or a Pizzly Bear....
N.C. Bomber Says He Aimed for Beaver Dam, Not Ex
Beaver dam, ex-wife - it's all pretty much the same once the sex ends...

Hat tip to Kara!
Howard Dean blows it bigtime
The gift keeps on giving: "Howard Dean puts his foot in his mouth so often that he should open a pedicure wing in the DNC during his tenure." And it's not just gays who he is pissing off.
NSA has massive database of Americans' phone calls
They're just looking for patterns...
Tom Cruise's career melting down
You know you are in trouble when studio heads have to come out and offer personal testamonials to your talent bankablilty after your movie fizzles at the box-office. What's worse? Even the unwashed rabble are suffering from Cruise-fatigue!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Cruise Crash Causes Paramount Panic
The crowd is fickle once you start jumping on sofas

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The gallows-maker
Serving dictators and gangster regimes world-wide.
Hungary rum barrel story withdrawn
Reuters says it happened 10 years ago!
German Cannibal Update!
Convicted! He got away with it in his first trial, but in Germany they can try you again!

More here for German-speakers.
Happy Birthday!
"A Brooklyn man, enraged at being asked to stop drinking in his own home, opened fire in a room full of children yesterday, killing a 3-year-old girl and wounding three other people, two of them critically, the police said"
Pirate Update!
It was busy last week! There were 7 attacks, including a murder off the Somalia coast, a yachtsman shot in the stomach off the coast of Venezuela and a tug with 12 crewmembers presumably hijacked and taken hostage in Indonesia.
Pelican Sought Prison Hit
It's so fun to watch the MSM dance around his links to Hillary and Bill...

Monday, May 08, 2006

San Francisco Prostitute Schedule
Many human genes evolved recently
We domesticate plants and animals and they domesticate us.
Pity Poor Moussaoui
Apparently he realized that life in solitary SuperMax-style ain't so pretty. Sorry Zach, get used to the concrete.
Lindsay Lohan Racks Up Huge Hotel Bill
"Lindsay Lohan racked up a massive $1,000,000 bill while staying at Hollywood's most expensive hotel. The 19-year-old star reserved a luxurious bungalow at the Chateau Marmont Hotel - for most of last year. But after splashing out to reserve the suite it appears Lindsay barely even visited Los Angeles in 2005."
'Mission' Fizzling? Box Office Imploding
The Tom Cruise weirdness factor strikes the box office

Sunday, May 07, 2006

End of the World Update: New asteroid has slim chance of hitting Earth
The first of 165(!) possible impact dates is June 21, 2008
David Blaine: 'Drowned' Alive
Truly the most nauseating stunt to date
Infinitely Cyclical Universe Update
Face it folks, this is the infinitieth time you've lived this life and read this blog post, and you will have to deal with it an infinite number of times for all infinity. Oh, it and everything possible in between too, for an infinite number of times too.
Ghosts dead against toll road
"The Pocahontas Parkway is perhaps the most haunted toll road in the US, even the world. There have been frequent sightings of Algonquian Indian ghosts chanting around the Parkway."
Celebrities back tampon rebels of Zimbabwe
More evidence of Mugabe's glorious legacy:
"Who in their right mind is going to spend half their earnings on tampons?"
UFO Update!

Well folks, yet another one of those periodic teases - this time from the UK:

"The information we have uncovered reveals a hitherto unknown and far-reaching aspect of the MoD's involvement in the study of UFOs.

Newly discovered documentation supports and validates the research and conclusions of serious UFO researchers, whilst highlighting several concerns the MoD have about the potential within the UFO phenomena"

Don't hold your breath, but something fun may show up on the BBC tonight...
Civil war: the only way to bring peace to Iraq

Edward Luttwak lays it out. For those unfamiliar with Luttwak, he first became famous with his book Coup d'Etat, a Practical Handbook, well used and beloved by putschists and dictators world-wide.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Universe a trillion years old!
"'I think it is much more likely to be far older than a trillion years though. There doesn't have to be a beginning of time. According to our theory, the universe may be infinitely old and infinitely large ... If we're right, the big bang is but one in an infinite series of big bangs stretching back into the eternal past.'"
CIA boss Goss is cooked
Poker and hookers do him in!

Friday, May 05, 2006

Soccer rioting in Brazil

Don't miss the excellent Chaos Runs Riot photo-series.
Idiot criminal of the day #2!
"This one goes in the 'Not the brightest star in the sky' file"
Teacher Out Of Job After X-Rated Video Surfaces:
"Your presence in the classroom would cause a disruption to the educational proces"
The Slow Rot at Supermax
How Moussaoui will be celebrating his "victory" over America from now on.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Mexico Police Control Rebellious Town
"Hundreds of law enforcement officials fired tear gas and crashed through human barricades to take control of a rebellious town outside Mexico City just before dawn Thursday, hours after protesters released six badly beaten police hostages. "
Yet another drunk Kennedy police coverup
Teddy's Congressman son this time. As they say, like father, like son.
Top 25 List update
Kids got caught and busted.
Nixon’s ’60 sandwich kicked around again
Definitely today's weirdest story!
Hat tip to Kara!!
Student journo ruins secret hideaway: The 31-year jig is up
More proof the current generation is utterly worthless!
Full-up Google choking on web spam?
They've maxed out their servers!
'Life in London made my boy a terrorist'
Moussaoui's mom speaks out:
"I would say that England is responsible for many things because it allowed this fever to spread around the country," she told the Canadian television channel CBC. "These young people go to England, and then they scream hatred and vengeance in front of mosques. They let the fever spread." His brother, Abd-Samad, agreed: "I believe that Britain has fed a snake at its bosom, and has been bitten by the snake.''
Student commits suicide over 2 failing grades
Advanced thermodynamics and advanced fluid-mechanics can do that to you...
Red Hot Chili Peppers angered by Internet leak
Their latest album, still unreleased, got posted to USENET 3 days ago.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Indian 4-year-old runs 40 miles
Dubbed 'India's Forrest Gump', he was nearly sold by his impoverished mother
Bong Hits to Supreme Court?
"The Juneau School Board is asking the U.S. Supreme Court to overturn a court ruling that supported a former student's right to display a banner that read 'Bong Hits 4 Jesus.'"
Russia Left with No Satellite Surveillance
They'll have to make do with commercial services and Google Earth for the time being
'Cloaking device' maths verified
It can be done, but it's tricky!
Keith Richards needs brain operation
He fell out of a tree while trying to pick coconuts

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Pirate Update
Another quiet week - only 4 attacks reported
Mountain lions in New Jersey
"If the analysis proves positive, it would be the first proof that the big cat has been found within New Jersey's borders in recent memory"
First it was a Spanish Star Spangled Banner, now it's a Turkish Deutschland Ueber Alles?
Ok, it's really 'Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit', but we all know what they really mean...
Zarqawi running out of friends
TF 145 (SEALs, Rangers, Delta Force, SAS) is on the hunt and chasing them down. You gotta hate it when that happens:

"The basic drill is for one of the four smaller Task Forces to grab a likely bit of info and quickly plan and execute a raid. The rangers provide muscle (perimeter security, read guard) , as needed, and keep any other unfriendlies away, while the SEAL, Delta or SAS commandoes go in after the main target. The objective is to capture people alive, if possible, because interrogations and examination of documents starts immediately. The idea is to get fresh information that will lead to other al Qaeda people. Often this is the case, in which the commandoes and rangers are immediately off to another raid. Most of this takes place at night, and several raids may be carried out between dusk and dawn."

Meanwhile, the always entertaining and occasionally accurate Debkafile reports that Zarqawi filmed his latest vid at an abandoned military base in Syria.
All they gotta do now is put them together with this guy and you'll have a real party!
John Daly's gambling losses top $50m!
"If I don't get control of my gambling, it's going to flat-out ruin me"

Monday, May 01, 2006

A Bit of Finger With Your Burger?
TGI Friday's serves it up!
Bullets in Slow Motion
What can be more fun than watching bullets blow stuff up in slo-mo?
Nazis clash with Commies in May Day protests in Germany
Reds and Browns battle in the streets, just like the good old days.

German-speakers can read more here and here and here.
Gangs claim their turf in Iraq
Gang-bangers infiltrating the Army and tagging Iraq.
Spain destroys lost Roman city for a car park
"Juan Wic, the mayor, who is responsible for the car park project, said he was happy to have kept one of his main election pledges. He said it was “essential for the commercial future of the square and city”."