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Friday, June 30, 2006

Hugo Officer Fired After Risqué Photo:
"A Hugo police officer was fired this week for inappropriate conduct while on duty. The termination followed a photo published in a local newspaper that showed questionable conduct."
Israel warns: free soldier or PM dies:
"ISRAEL last night threatened to assassinate Palestinian Prime Minister Ismael Haniyeh if Hamas militants did not release a captured Israeli soldier unharmed"

Who needs the Russians when you got the Israelis?!!
Traffic stop leads to major fireworks bust in Oakland:
"Oakland police announced today that what began as a routine traffic stop led to the biggest fireworks bust in several years: A half ton of illegal fireworks inside a home"
City lawyer sues 'don't date him' Web site gets in trouble after several people posted messages there claiming he has a sexually transmitted disease, complains about paying his child support and is unfaithful.

Hat tip to Kara!
Argentina tax man hits soccer fan where it hurts
"Argentine tax officials hit a tax cheat where it hurts most on Wednesday, confiscating the man's plasma TV two days before Argentina plays Germany in the World Cup quarterfinals."
Man pulls TV from house fire to watch soccer
"A Beijing soccer fan refused to let the small matter of his house burning down disturb his enjoyment of Tuesday's World Cup match between France and Spain."
Russians lose 'against all' vote
None of the Above stricken from the ballot because the Kremlin fears many would vote for it.
Vatican vows to expel stem cell scientists from Church
And politicians who enact laws permitting stem cell research...
Ex-Judge Convicted of Indecent Exposure
Penis-pumping judge goes down!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Ghosts of Germany's past at Berlin's Olympic Stadium
"The Fuhrer is incensed. I can hardly bear it. A bag of nerves."
Bush Twin Heading Off to Teach in Latin America
Is W offering up his own Sacrifice of Abraham?
Priest: Buffett is 'Dr. Mengele of philanthropists'
Nazi, Hitler, Mengele!?! Do these words have any meaning anymore???
US Supreme Court gives Geneva rights to Al Qaeda!
Who needs the New York Times when you've got the Supreme Court!
Operation removes lightbulb from anus
"When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this," Mohammad said.

"I don't know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners."

Robo-Doggie's New Pal
Creepy warbots look like dogs
Compulsive shopper gets 27 months
Embezzeled $1.5 million to buy shoes, bags, a swimming pool and a trips to Vegas
Grizzly bashes way to freedom
Smashed 400 pound steel door, rips through 2 electric fences

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Lawnmower driver arrested for DWI
Blood alcohol 0.23% - 3x the limit.
Moscow Attempts To Entice Russians Back Home:
Putin wants his people back because "According to official figures, Russia's population, now 143 million, shrinks by some 700,000 people each year due to high mortality and a low birthrate. The authorities have long been trying to bring back ethnic Russians from outside Russia to help reverse the trend."
Strange Behavior Turns Crickets into Cannibals:
"Millions of Mormon crickets are on the move again in the Western United States, devouring everything in their path as they march in unison across wide swaths of land from Idaho to Oregon."

Cannibal. Mormon. Crickets!!
Taking the fun out of cruise ships!
"Passengers on P and O Cruises who engage in 'excessive behaviour' will be removed from the ship, the company's Australian branch said, after it emerged that nudity, streaking and sex in public were common on one luxury liner."
World Cup Scores Only Small Audience in US:
How closely have you watched the World Cup Tournament?
Very Closely 6%
Somewhat Closely 15%
Not Very Closely 31%
Not At All 47%
Pooty-Poot Orders Payback: Find and Kill Iraqi Murderers of Russian Diplomats
Once KGB, always KGB.

Back in 1985, four Soviet diplomats were kidnapped by the Islamic Liberation Organization in Beirut. One was killed by his captors while trying to escape. The other three were released unharmed a month later after the terrorist leader's 4 year old son was kidnapped and killed by the Soviet KGB. A Spetsnaz team took the boy from his home. They then delivered the boy’s cut off ear to his mother with a video of the cutting. On the video was a message that if the remaining three Soviets were not released unharmed, the next video would be of the boy’s castration. The Soviets promised that if the diplomats were released, the boy would not be castrated.

The remaining diplomats were released. The Soviets then simply shot the boy in the back of the head in retaliation for the murder of the diplomat. However, the KGB did keep its promise and the dead boy was not castrated. After that, no Soviet diplomat in Lebanon was ever threatened again.

England's Cup half full:
"England World Cup fans are drinking Germany dry."
Rush Limbaugh faces high anxiety in Viagra flap
Apparently he did nothing wrong, but was harassed and embarassed anyway.
Italy protests killing of Italian bear in Germany
Bruno keeps on stirring trouble from the grave
Demanding rights for great apes
"Spain's parliament is to declare support for rights to life and freedom for great apes on Wednesday, apparently the first time any national legislature will have recognized such rights for non-humans."

L.A. city animal shelters pull out of ‘Hooters for Neuters' event"
After an outcry from women's groups, female city employees and pressure by City Controller Laura Chick, the Los Angeles Department of Animal Services announced that it would disassociate itself from the July 13 event
Pirate Update!
Including this one from Oman - "Three armed pirates in a high speed fibre glass boat with green hull followed a chemical tanker underway. They came within two metres and engaged the crew in meaningless conversation. Master took photos of the pirates and at this stage a masked pirate started shooting at the master. Bullets missed the master and crew locked themselves inside the accommodation and secured all entrances. Pirates realised that they were photographed and aborted attempted boarding."

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Vanuatu Bungee Jumpers
They use vines, not bungee cords...
Fluffernutter Update! Lawmaker no match for Fluff
Humiliating defeat for nanny-state wanker from Cambridge
Muffy takes the U.S. python length title
"Muffy measured in at 22 feet, 1/4 inch long — enough to take the title of largest Burmese python on display in America"
Pub meals 'worse than plane food'
"Leading chef Marcus Wareing claims airlines have 'upped their game' and standards are now 'simply higher' than the 'pathetic' offerings found on the ground."
Pensioner becomes porn star:
"A 75-year-old granddad has become a porn star in Russia after wandering into a blue movie audition by mistake."

Monday, June 26, 2006

Pictures of TomKat's Baby Didn't Sell
"If like everyone else you've been wondering what happened to Suri Cruise and why we've never seen a picture of her, here is part of the answer: No one wanted to pay for her."
Private sector to boost space travel:
"Nasa is sponsoring a competition in which winning companies will get $500 million in seed money to develop space vehicles that the US space agency will never design, build or own."
San Jose Mayor Arraigned on Bribery Charge
"In an indictment unsealed last week, Gonzales was charged with six felonies, including conspiracy, bribery, misappropriating public funds and falsifying records. If convicted, he could face up to eight years in prison."
Mediterranean Pirate Update!
"Armed pirate fishermen attempt to board Greenpeace's Rainbow Warrior"
Cash for head lice:
"Scientists are offering parents £20 for their children's head lice.
Researchers are trying to find new ways to treat new super-lice"
'Disabled' fans ejected for dancing
World Class World Cup Dirtbags busted!
Israel Rules Out Negotiating for Abducted Soldier
Hamas to be annihilated; Immanentizing of the Eschaton in the next couple of days!
Navy contractor charged with sabotaging computer system
"A computer administrator determined that someone had programmed what’s known as a “cron job” into the system....
The computer administrator also discovered three additional infected computers that, had the programs been launched, would have shut down the entire network that tracks the locations of ships and submarines."
PlayEngine makes Bamboo electronics
"Not content with your boring old monitor, keyboard, and mouse? Well upgrade to some bamboo versions"
King Tut's necklace shaped by fireball
Meteor glass from the Great Sand Sea!
Somalia Update: New rulers to stone rapists to death
For those who may be unaware, Islamists "took over" Mogadishu a week or two ago. Now they're trying to do their thing...
Kicking the habit no monkey business for chain-smoking Chinese chimp:
"Xiku the chain-smoking chimpanzee has almost kicked his deadly habit thanks to the efforts of zoo keepers in China, but it has taken a beer or two to help get him through detox."
Detective charged with exposure fired:
"He told Airway Heights police that he was hoping to build a relationship with the 23-year-old woman, and he thought she had mutual feelings for him. Mastel told police he realized he was wrong when he saw the look on the woman’s face after exposing himself. He was off duty at the time of the incident."
Robots understand our emotions
"The visitors of the next week’s Royal Society summer science exhibition are to participate at a “live” experiment, where computers are to read their emotional status, by analyzing their facial expressions"
Bruno the Bear meets a grizzly end:
"A marauding brown bear that has eluded authorities in southern Germany and Austria for weeks has been shot dead."

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Animal control workers discover house stuffed with rats:
"About 1,000 pet rats -- ranging from 3-year-old adults to little pink newborns -- shared the one-room house with Roger Dier"
Cameroon girls battle 'breast ironing'
"This involves pounding and massaging the developing breasts of young girls with hot objects to try to make them disappear.

Statistics show that 26% of Cameroonian girls at puberty undergo it, as many mothers believe it protects their daughters from the sexual advances of boys and men who think children are ripe for sex once their breasts begin to grow."

Carve-up killer seeks mercy
"A New South Wales grandmother who skinned and cooked her de facto husband will plead with a court to overturn her life sentence - because she is a woman"
Blast from the Past II: Inflatable Shorts:
"the easy, effective way to trim down waist, abdomen, hips, thighs"
Blast from the Past: The New Heathkit Personal Computing Systems
From September, 1977. Paper tape reader / punch for only $350!
£1.7billion vinyard pay off
EU's approach to draining the "wine lake": 400,000 of the current 3.4 million hectares of EU vines will be removed and 300 million litres of wine poured away.
Dropping the F-Bomb:
"The F-word remains taboo. But just barely. We may be entering an era in which this fabled vulgarity is on its way to becoming just another word -- its transgressive energy steadily sapped by overuse."
Fan forgets hotel location in six-hour ordeal
"German police rescued an American soccer fan lost in Hanover and unable to find his hotel again after helplessly wandering around the city for more than six hours after a match, federal police said Friday."
Police: Woman ate 320 heroin condoms
Caught in Australia on a flight from Singapore. In Oz, she faces life in prison. Had they grabbed her in Singapore, she'd be swinging from a rope.
Financial Services Update: 'Zero intelligence' trading closely mimics stock market:
"A model that assumes stock market traders have zero intelligence has been found to mimic the behaviour of the London Stock Exchange very closely"
Blitzed Calif. birds run afoul of law
Flying under the influence!
Ooops! Ga. Governor Suing Army Engineers for Draining Water:
"The amount of water mistakenly drained would have been enough to support the city of Atlanta for 118 days."
UC Santa Cruz chancellor jumps to her death in S.F.
42 stories down - and it took *far fewer* embarassing reports in the press to persuade her to do so!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Businessmen and strippers join the party at Lenin's house:
"Russian communists reacted with dismay yesterday after they discovered that strippers and drunken businessmen had turned the birthplace of Lenin, once one of the most hallowed museums in the land, into a wild party zone."
Police Arrest 122 English Soccer Fans
Throwing bottles and glasses at passers-by from a pub terrace
Anna Nicole Smith's nemesis dies unexpectedly!
Hundreds of millions of dollars now in play!
Vox Populi! The Kid From Brooklyn on "The Good Old Days"
From time to time people ask me what Brooklyn is like. When they do so, I always refer them to The Big Man, because he always tells it like it is and like it was! For those who might be offended, please click here.
Putting the tea in gangsta
Whitey British rappers luv Tea, Motherf***er!

Friday, June 23, 2006

A Harsh Boner:
"A former handyman has won more than $400,000 in a lawsuit over a penile implant that gave him a 10-year erection."
"A sheriff's deputy who was trying to get a man down from a tree shot and wounded him after mistakenly pulling a gun instead of a Taser, authorities say."
World obsessed with 'time':
"The list of top 25 nouns: time, person, year, way, day, thing, man, world, life, hand, part, child, eye, woman, place, work, week, case, point, government, company, number, group, problem, fact."
The Real Sim City:
"The legendary computer game Sim City has been used as the basis for a new programme which is being used to project what the world's cities will look like in the future."
Bride's big day:
"Carly O'Brien's 25 stone dress was 8ft wide and cost £25,000.

It took twenty people an hour and a half to push 16-year-old Carly through the church door and up the aisle followed by her 60ft long train."

For those who are curious, the groom is 17 years old. Anyone want to guess what that big dress was covering up?
MySpace site moves to protect teens
Don't worry - it's meaningless so we will still be blessed with more stupid myspace teen-antics for the forseeable future.
Hermit Kingdom Update:
The latest from N. Korea, in their own inimitable style:

"U.S. Reckless Provocations Are Bound to Be Foiled Pyongyang, June 22 (KCNA) -- The U.S. imperialist warmongers have been intensifying military provocations against the DPRK of late. Recently they illegally infiltrated strategic reconnaissance planes into the sky above the DPRK's economic waters to spy on its strategic targets in several times. ... The KPA Air Force Command, in its recent report, warned once again that should those planes persist in their reckless air espionage, they would not be able to escape the same end as that of a tiger moth fated to perish in the flames, stating that the merciless punishment against the aggressors is the nature peculiar to the KPA revolutionary force.
The KPA never talk empty words.
The U.S. imperialists should ponder over and draw a lesson from the shameful defeats they have sustained in the past Korean war and repeated military provocations."
School district loses its (T-)shirt:
"Disciplining a student for wearing a $5 T-shirt five years ago could end up costing the Warren Hills Regional School District close to $1 million."
Man catches neighbour:
"A man leaned out of his window to moan about noise - and caught his neighbour as she fell from the window above."
Janitor strives to unlock code behind graffiti:
"'It’s not your basic vandals; it’s actually a conspiracy movement"
Former editor sues job firm for letter typo
Be sure to double check those resume and cover letter uploads!!
Biker dies in crash after anti-helmet gathering
"Alcohol was suspected in the death of Jason Irvine, 27, of Yakima, who was wearing a helmet while returning from an annual rally at the Toppenish fairgrounds by American Bikers Aimed Toward Education, or ABATE"

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Bat-Killing Centipede.:
"Click here only if you're prepared to see one of the most horrifying things you've ever seen in your life."

Hat tip to Ace!
Yet another reason not to dine-and-dash!
"According to Moosic police, two men ate at the place and ran out the door after getting their check. They didn't get far. Both fell down a nearby hillside. Dozens of rescuers were needed to pull them to safety."
Boy, 3, Hospitalized After Eating LSD-Laced SweeTarts Candy at Party
"The apartment's leaseholder noticed that his roll of SweeTarts, which had been laced with the hallucinogenic drug, was open and that nine candies were missing."

9 hits of acid and the kid revives in a hospital with new foster parents. This is gonna be a good one!
Florida Man Busted For Puppy Assault
'It's my dog...what's the problem?'

The glorious Smoking Gun has the docs!
Study reveals 'oldest jewellery'
90,000 - 100,000 years old!
Man Shot Dead In Barbershop Chair:
"He was no Albert Anastasia, but he suffered the same fate."

For those who are curious, Mr. Anastasia's colorfully cruel career is documented here.
Gun collector indicted for making garage an armory:
Intriguing Career Path:
"Raymond has twice spent time in prison: in the early 1970s for performing illegal abortions, and later that decade for selling silencer-equipped submachine guns"
Harvard says no sight of Ellison's $115 million
This is what happens when you make a promise and fail to deliver
Drug-proof bug found in illegal tattoo customers
"One Ohio tattooist used a homemade tattoo gun made from a computer ink-jet cartridge and guitar strings, LeMaile-Williams said."

Hat tip to Kara!
'End Times' Religious Groups Want Apocalypse Soon
Immanentizing the Eschaton at a convenient location near you!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Massive mummy fraud discovered after 2,000 years:
"Modern medical science has exposed the villainy of the crocodile mummy sellers of Hawara, more than 2,000 years after they defied the edict of a Pharaoh and turned neatly bandaged bundles of rubbish into a nice little earner."
France Seeks More Control of Airbus Parent
Franco-German axis is unwinding quickly
Maillardet’s Automaton:
A 200 year old robot that draws pictures and pens poems!
More about it here. Videos of similiar automatons of the same era here!
Aussie parents pinch from piggy banks:
"One in four Australian parents regularly 'borrow' money from their children's piggy banks to pay for anything from bread to luxury holidays"
Finger on wrong button costs company millions
Surprisingly, it's not a story about a trader's keystroke error!
Fluff sandwich causes sticky debate
Fluffernutter war in Massachussetts
Fla. restaurant sells $100 hamburger
"At about 5 1/2 inches across and 2 1/2 inches thick, the mound of meat is comprised of beef from three continents — American prime beef, Japanese Kobe and Argentine cattle."
Sex and drug arrest triggers deadly Florida prison gunfight:
"A deadly gunbattle broke out at a federal prison Wednesday when a corrections officer opened fire as federal agents tried to arrest him and other guards on charges they traded drugs for sex"
Indians tail monkey man in search of healing powers: "Thousands of people are flocking to an impoverished village in West Bengal to worship a man they believe possesses divine powers because he climbs up trees in seconds, gobbles up bananas and has a 'tail'."
Top 10 Hybrid Animals
Hat tip to Kara!
Hang 'Em Up - Opossum And Crow Tied To Overpass
Summertime and teens are bored!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

2008 Olympic stadium looks like a vagina:
"I'm not saying it does. But I'm also not saying it doesnt. Because it does. And I just said it."
NBA Fines Mark Cuban $250,000
Too uppity for even the NBA!
US activates missile defense amid N. Korea concern
Remember how they ridiculed Reagan's "Star Wars" system as an impossible joke? Well, the first part went live last week...
Some of the comments back then:
The New York Times: "a pipe dream, a projection of fantasy into policy."
The Chicago Sun-Times: "an appalling disservice" even to propose such a system.
Michael Dukakis: "Reagan administration's SDI program is a fantasy--a technological illusion which most scientists say cannot be achieved in the foreseeable future. The defenses they envision won't make the United States more secure."
Jesse Jackson: "Star Wars is a cruel hoax. It offers an impossible technological solution to a political problem. It will cost over a trillion dollars if pursued, and in the end will not produce a defense but an arms race in the heavens. Our coffers will be robbed; our science distorted."
Kos-ola Timeline
Tracking the latest scandal to hit the blogosphere.
Beef' cut from India's history textbooks:
"References to the beef-eating past of ancient Hindus have been deleted from Indian school textbooks following a three-year campaign by Hindu hardliners."
Mom: Dad showed son photos of circumcision:
"The man also told his son he could lose his penis, be left with a limp or die from the procedure, the mother testified Wednesday."
Mercenary Update! French 'dog of war' faces verdict
Bob Denard verdict expected soon
Kos: Gettin' Paid 'Blogola'?
This week's blogosphere scandal

Monday, June 19, 2006

Ex tells of HIV nightmare:
"A BITTER blonde infected with the Aids virus went on a vengeful mission to spread the disease."
Etruscan tomb yields oldest art:
"In Italy's most sensational archaeological find in years, an Etruscan tomb near Rome has yielded the oldest examples of painting in Western civilisation ."
Operational Security in the 21st Century
The dreaded flash disc strikes again, this time in Afghanistan
Police responding to family fight find 2 tons of marijuana:
"Police officers responded to a family fight at around 1:20 a.m. 'When they got in the area, you could smell the raw odor of raw marijuana.'"
Pirates aren't nice! (as readers of this blog well know!)
Instead of being comical skeleton-ghosts who stole treasure like Johnny Depp's character, 'the real pirates of the Caribbean were sea-borne thugs who thought nothing of murder, torture and rape. Their exploits in those fields are well documented and during the 17th and 18th centuries - the so-called golden age of piracy -- they were a menace to trade, body and soul.'

Yet kids love pirates more than ever."
9/11 plot in 1995!
Only one word need be said: Illuminati

The terrible prophecy exposed here!
"A 20-year-old Brooklyn man has been using the popular college-community Web site to con and extort coeds around the country, forcing them to turn over nude pictures of themselves and give him online companionship, officials said."
Paris Hilton Meets The Man Who Bought Her Stuff
"You remember when someone purchased Paris Hilton's belongings that had been left in a warehouse? The gentleman, David Hans Schmidt, made a surprise appearance at her Macy's launch for her new fragrance."
Connie Chung Self-Destructs on MSNBC
Famous American TV presenter burns all her bridges in her farewell segment. This segment is *well* worth your 2:48 - it's seldom that you see a celeb implode as spectacularly as this!
What a dive
Brilliant photo of tennis player James Blake in mid air.
Bear-faced cheek
The wandering bear in Germany causes panic in Bavarian resort.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

No sex please, robot, just clean the floor
"“Security, safety and sex are the big concerns,” said Henrik Christensen, a member of the Euron ethics group. How far should robots be allowed to influence people’s lives? How can accidents be avoided? Can deliberate harm be prevented? And what happens if robots turn out to be sexy?"

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Doherty Chronicles Update: Kate Moss gets away with it!
"The CPS revealed the refusal of Moss and other witnesses to explain her actions and the indistinct nature of the video images had ruled out any prosecution after a police investigation costing an estimated £250,000." ... "The Crown Prosecution Service said yesterday it would not have been enough for it to prove that the powder being snorted by the model was either cocaine (class A) or amphetamine (class B)."
Hoppers grilled at busy reserve
"Darwin City Council rangers discovered the remains of five wallabies barbecued at the popular tourist spot during the past week.

The wallabies had been beaten to death with rocks and smoked with gum leaves on the fire."
Teacher Arrested For Sexual Assault
"Heather Carter, 30, of Alexander is accused of having the sexual relationship with a 17-year-old female student."
Global warming could accelerate from thawing Siberian permafrost
Head for the hills! It's too late to stop it!

Friday, June 16, 2006

"Please Make This Work!"
"A few months ago I asked my girlfriend if she would have a threesome. Obviously I thought she would say no (and might even slap me) but she said she might be into it. ... Anyway to cut a long story short, if I can get more than 5 Million hits to my website she has agreed to let me find a girl for us to have a threesome with and I even have it in writing!"
101st soldier finds $55K, hands it over

In how many other armies would something like this occur??
Swapping cornflakes for cash
"A student is £100,000 richer after buying a scratchcard with his last £1."
Bush Received Weapons Cache From King Of Jordan
"President George W. Bush received a $10,000 sniper's rifle, six jars of fertilizer, 11 antique handguns, ten pounds of dates, and a DVD of 'Singin' in the Rain' from various foreign leaders, according to a report filed today by the U.S. Department of State."
Bear in a hammock
with video!
Prisoners in World Cup protest:
"Two Bulgarian prisoners have sewn up their mouths and are refusing to eat until they are allowed to watch the World Cup."
New Podcast Available!
The third edition of Weird Nylon is now online. Topics include Mike the Miracle Hamster, God and Lions in Ukraine, Cat and Bear, Horny Mom and Teenage Boy, and more!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

The New Band of Brothers
A report from Deep in the Shit, Iraq. Be sure to watch every video segment!
Girls Can Marry at 15, Colo. Court Finds:
"'It appears that Colorado has adopted the common-law age of consent for marriage as 14 for a male and 12 for a female, which existed under English common law,' the ruling said. 'Nevertheless, we need only hold here that a 15-year-old female may enter into a valid common-law marriage.'"
Indonesians Trapped in Underground Volcano Shelter
Buried in an under 6 feet of volcanic debris!
Bugs Bunny sparks security alert
"A girl of six triggered a security scare at an airport – with a pink Bugs Bunny water pistol rammed full of sweets."
New interest in "Jesus Grave" in Kashmir:
"The hypothesis that Jesus Christ is buried in central Srinagar, the summer capital of Indian-administered Kashmir, has aroused a lot of interest among historiographers, researchers, scholars, archaeologists and religious groups both in India and worldwide once again."
Backward switches doomed probe
NASA does it again! This is at least as inept as the Mars probe that crashed because of a mix-up between english and metric units.
Ultimate iPod accessory?:
"A US firm has invented a new iPod accessory which combines the portable music player with a toilet roll holder."
Goose cuts the power in Winnipeg's east-end
A few days ago, a small furry critter cut power in Cambodia. Today it's a goose in Canada. They may be on to us!
Pensioner's cow sex shame
"It is believed the cow was shocked, but otherwise unhurt."
China makes ultimate punishment mobile
Death Vans make a comeback! Hitler's were crude and brutal, but the Chinese pimp them up, 21st century style!
Bulls get simulated cows at farmers' fair
"Live 'sex shows' of bulls mounting a simulated cow have become a big attraction at an agricultural exhibition taking place in New Zealand."

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Cops clash with more than 120 hooligans
World Cup fever in Dortmund!
Germans attack Beckhams:
"The paper branded his sister Joanne FAT and said his mum Sandra had the smile of a “peasant”.

Incredibly, they also branded two of his children — Brooklyn, seven, and Romeo, three — “dwarfs”."

The offending article can be found here (auf Deutsch).

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Prank baffles high school officials
Senior prank season continues...
Nuclear bunker built in Christchurch
Idiot exposes his bunker for all his neighbors to see.
A Blogstorm Study...
Michelle Malkin unleashes a blogstorm upon a cartoonist whose image has (gravely) offended the United States Marine Corps. The offending image is here. I think it's clear that just about *every* Marine alive (and many others) will take this as a grievous insult, so it will be interesting see how the consequences play out...
Daryl Hannah in standoff over L.A. evictions
"Interviewed by cell phone from a large walnut tree she’s holed up in, the actress says she and the others are doing the “morally right thing.”"

Hat Tip to Kara!
Hitler cats!
A blog dedicated to cats that look like Hitler...

Hat tip to Kat!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Kalashnikov -- The Bio of the Big Gun:
"'I didn't put it in the hands of bandits and terrorists,' the rifle's elderly inventor, Mikhail Kalashnikov, mused in a recent interview with The Associated Press. 'It's not my fault that it has mushroomed uncontrollably across the globe. Can I be blamed that they consider it the most reliable weapon?'"
Trevey asked him why he sprayed satanic graffiti on these holy shrines.
Groth said, ''cause I'm a punk - that's what I do.'

Trevey: "Do you know you spelled Satan wrong?"
Groth: "No - I'm not aware of that."
Trevey: "You spelled it satin - like the fabric."
Groth: "See - if I was big into the devil, I would have spelled it right."
Trevey: "Do you think that's funny?"
Groth: "That I spelled it wrong? No - I'm a bad speller."
'Depraved' civil servants play naked office pranks:
"The beleaguered Rural Payment Agency has begun an investigation into the behaviour of its staff at its Newcastle office, which allegedly included leaving cups of vomit in cupboards, taking drugs, having sex in toilets and holding breakdancing competitions during office hours."
Monks face World Cup defrocking:
"Phnom Penh patriarch Non Nget has told Cambodia's 40,000 Buddhist monks to remain passive while watching World Cup football games or be defrocked. "
Highway joyride lands Aussie boys in trouble:
"Knowing they were in trouble, the brothers quickly jumped into their normal spots in the back seat of their grandmother's car after they pulled over."
Assam plans to cash in on bird suicide village
"Jatinga's mysterious annual ritual of migratory birds committing mass suicide is all set to become Assam's latest tourist attraction. "
Must-See! Weird pictures on Wikipedia:
"There's a lot of weird shit on Wikipedia. Like this page, for instance"

Or this one or this one...
The wurst way to go?
Hat tip to Kara!

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Take cover: the new goths are coming
"One of Britain’s most senior military strategists has warned that western civilisation faces a threat on a par with the barbarian invasions that destroyed the Roman empire."
Jack the cat chases black bear up tree
Update to the earlier story, this time with photo of cat and bear
Corkscrew Asteroids
"At the moment, only two coorbitals are actually nearby: 2003 YN107 and 2004 GU9. The others are scattered around Earth's orbit.

2004 GU9 is perhaps the most interesting. It measures about 200 meters across, relatively large. And according to calculations just published in the Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society (S. Mikkola et al., 2006) it has been looping around Earth for 500 years--and may continue looping for another 500. It's in a remarkably stable "orbit."

British dig finds table of kings
"Among the monarchs known to have sat at it are Edward I and Henry VIII.

Henry used it for feasts after his marriages to Catherine of Aragon and Anne Boleyn."

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Pete Doherty tries ’sleep cure’ rehab in Portugal:
“He’s being ‘put under’ for six or seven days so he won’t have to do cold turkey.”
Son Says He Killed, Dismembered Mother
"Irene's head and hands were found encased in concrete in a garbage can at the 50-year-old man's home after other body parts were found floating in a nearby river."
Nazi Update II: Custody Battle Over White Separatist Twins
What is it about Fresno and Nazis today?

More on the Nazi Tween Twins here and here.
Nazi Update I: Teacher arrested at Fresno school:
"Authorities searched the home a day after fielding a tip that the couple were planning to host a two-day white supremacist rally, dubbed 'Aryan Unity Fest '06,' at their home. The event was advertised on the Web site of a group calling itself 'California Skinheads.'"
Trysting Teachers Caught In Act
The Smoking Gun has the docs!
"Two Florida teachers have resigned after middle school students observed them having sex in a locked classroom."
Google Researchers Propose TV Monitoring
by listening to the ambient sound in the room with your computer!
China to train blind masseurs in disabled job drive:
"China aims to train 50,000 blind masseurs over the next five years as part of a drive to improve the prospects of often impoverished disabled people"

Friday, June 09, 2006

Doherty Chronicles Update:
"He plans to remain in the Portuguese clinic for several weeks and will be fitted with an 'opiate-suppressing implant,' according to the NME website."
Shop trolley crash kills pensioner
"An 80-year-old man has died after crashing a trolley that he was riding around a supermarket on while shouting 'wheeeee.'"
Aliens Think England Wont Win World Cup
"Speaking through former police worker Stephany Cohen, of Lancaster Close, Bromley, the Grays say England will reach the quarter finals. But the 42-year-old says the aliens tell her the team will struggle to advance any further...Miss Cohen also appeared in the paper in 2003 when she reported the Grays were giving her orgasms."
The creatures that came back from the dead
Reports of their extinction have been greatly exaggerated
Russian 'torture dungeon' found
Some things will never change!
Record meteorite hit Norway
Impact comparable to Hiroshima bomb!!
New policy lets students skip class, still pass
More proof that the cult of sensitivity is destroying civilization

Hat tip to Joey!
Michigan girl flies to Mideast, detained in Jordan strikes again!

"Jordanian authorities have detained a 16-year-old Michigan girl who told her parents she was going to Canada but then got on a plane to the Middle East to see a West Bank man she met on the popular Web site"
Woman Attacks Dog Breeder With Chihuahua

Hat tip to Kara!

Dead puppies aren't much fun,
They don't come when you call,
They don't chase squirrels at all...
Ronald Found on His Sesame Seed Bum:
"Nearly a week after Ronald McDonald disappeared from a bench outside a McDonald’s restaurant in Miramar Beach, the fast food icon was found sprawled in front of a house on Matthews Street."

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Hurricane Zarqawi!

Dear friends - just a note to let you know that there is a huge BlogStorm raging following the killing of Zarqawi. Blogger has been unstable all day, hence the delay in blogging; I feel lucky to be able to post this. Have no fear - I will post all of today's weirdness as soon as the server crush at Blogger unwinds. I wish to be fair to Blogger, for I use a free account and am *quite* happy given the price I pay!
Zarqawi scheduled for martyrdom
The VERY prescient Strategy Page wrote this yesterday (before this morning's big surprise.)

"Given that Zarqawi has become a loose cannon and that his actions are handicapping Al Qaeda's efforts, it seems reasonable to expect that an accident may befall him at some point in the near future"

Just a few minutes ago, Gen. Casey said that they got tips from within his own organization. Full operational briefing in Baghdad at 8am EST...
South Alabama Man Facing Bestiality Charge:
"According to PETA, at least two people witnessed the act about a month ago. A few days later, the pony was reported dead."
Senior Prank Season III: Bob's return may have reinstated a school tradition:
"The 7-foot statue that holds up his cheeseburger with pride in front of Bob's Big Boy restaurant on Hawthorne Boulevard in Torrance was found doing the same thing Tuesday morning -- except it was on the roof of South High School."
Cops learn new lingo to speak to dogs
"Police officers have been forced to learn Dutch - because three dogs they have recruited do not respond to English"
Serial killer seeks a lifeline:
Night Stalker Richard Ramierez, trying to dodge his death sentence, claims his lawyers were incompetent:

"Hernandez and Hernandez had a combined five years of experience when they took over Ramirez's representation. . . They both had a history of being held in contempt in Santa Clara County for their handling of cases, and their conduct resulted in the reversal of one San Jose murder conviction.

During the course of the Ramirez trial, both lawyers were absent for long periods. Daniel Hernandez was unable to attend for a crucial stretch, citing stress-related illness. Arturo Hernandez was held in contempt for his failure to show up -- in one instance, he was punished for misleading the court when he said he was absent because he needed to attend his brother's funeral in Mexico when in fact he was honeymooning in Europe."
Chuck E Cheese birthday boy left behind when family leaves without him!
"The boy, Michael, had just celebrated his sixth birthday at this haven of kiddie gatherings, and through an unfortunate series of bad assumptions, he was left behind while Ms. Monroe and the rest of the birthday entourage drove off into the night."

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Police Reconstructing Crash Caused By Donkey:
"A driver who watched the tragedy unfold called 911. He told police he saw a donkey or a mule running down the highway. Then he told the operator, 'We've got a wreck on the highway now.... there's cars piled up. It's not good.'

The driver of one of the 18-wheelers died instantly. Police say his wife was saved by the other truck driver, who managed to pull her out of the inferno. Today they're calling that man a hero."
Seagull hit by pitch
Hat tip to Kara!
Ann Coulter Bashes 9/11 'Jersey Girls'!
"A group of "self-obsessed" politically active widows are enjoying their husbands' deaths."
France fined for deporting Jews:
"'I'm amazed by the ruling. I can't understand it,' a lawyer acting for SNCF said."

Using the "they were just following orders" excuse, he continued:

"The SNCF had no choice. The (Nazis) told the SNCF by letter that they had to do everything the German authorities wanted, and if someone refused, they would be shot," he said."

Unfortunately, it wasn't quite that simple...

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Whiz kid admits $7 million scam
"He used his student ID and expertly forged documents to pose as the heir to a billionaire Turkish family and trick investors into pouring millions into a nonexistent hedge fund."
CIA papers: U.S. failed to pursue Eichmann
He was the architect of the Holocaust; the West Germans knew where he was (and told the CIA) but did nothing because they "did not want to see Eichmann captured because they feared what he might say about Chancellor Konrad Adenauer's national security adviser, Hans Globke. Globke had served in the Jewish Affairs department of the Nazi government during World War II and was involved in writing laws designed to remove Jews from German society."

Now it's America's fault that nothing was done...
Deer crashes through apartment window
Knocks pitbull unconscious too!
'Sabbatical to do time' scam fails:
"In January, as the time for his imprisonment neared, he applied for a 60- to 90-day unpaid leave of absence. On the application he cited 'problems with the State of New Jersey Judicial System,' saying that he 'must fulfill an obligation to the State.'"
Man May Reclaim Bowling Endurance Title:
"Wilson, 40, of Mason, on Saturday finished the last of 481 games played over more 102 hours, 1 minute and 25 seconds"
Thai Holiday Sparks Yellow-Shirt Craze:
"Yellow is the new black this season in Thailand"
New Contact Lenses Give Athletes an Edge
With spooky evil-eyes photo!
Jobless man seeks sympathy with rhinos
Yet another zoo fence-jumper!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Upcoming Darwin Award: Astronut to go 20 miles high:
"It consists of a carbon-fiber bowstring stretched 24 feet along a rail aided by a jet turbine with 1,350 pounds of thrust. Once he hits the trigger, Walker will pull 10 g-forces as his ship - inspired by Star Wars and Battlestar Galactica - soars into the stratosphere."
'Alien' duck fetches hefty bid at auction
Who else but would pay $9,600 for it?
17 Pct. at 2 Schools Practice Self-Abuse:
Cornell and Princeton students love to slash and burn themselves!
Now Zimbabwe police warn on unofficial bread sales
With rampant hyperinflation, they try the same old failed responses. Some people never learn

Sunday, June 04, 2006

"It's mind-boggling to think about, but our nation's nuclear policies may have been shaped in part by Marilyn Monroe."
Baarmy army's world cup song:
"A flock of singing sheep have become the latest to record a World Cup song for the England team."
New Podcast Available!
The second edition of Weird Nylon is now available. Please give it a try and let us know your thoughts!
Commune Sex Shocker!
Staten Island in the news!
Footprint on Mars Explained...
"Do Martians wear size-11 shoes? Or do we have evidence that the Mars rover missions are merely a hoax — an "X-Files" conspiracy as far-reaching as the fake trip to Mars portrayed in the movie "Capricorn One"?"
Hacker attack shuts down Swedish National Police Web site
Revenge for the crackdown on Pirate Bay.
Coke and Mentos Experiment
More amazing video!
'Send for Disney' to save Venice:
"Venice can no longer be run like a normal European city, he argues. Turning it into a theme park offers its only hope of salvation"

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Pennsylvania drivers find incredible gas deal
Fuel frenzy results after pumps were accidentally set to 32.9 cents per gallon.
Students’ fowl prank goes foul
"The six boys ordered 10 goslings and 45 chicks from an Indiana company and then set them loose in Community High School early Thursday morning"
Hitler and The Village People!
All your suspicions about the Nazis are confirmed!
Psycho complains to city about "rogue helicopter pilot"
Watch the video! Awesome nutcase rant!
More stupidity from the Cult of Sensitivity:
"Bonnyrigg Primary School had called its classes 1a and 1b but some parents of children in 1b said it left the youngsters feeling second best."
Police: Clerk Shot Over Doughnuts
So much for National Donut Day!
Teen-Age Actress-Poisoner Update
The Smoking Gun has the docs!
The Varyag Mystery Deepens!
For those unfamiliar with the Varyag and its saga, it is a semi-completed, engineless and rudderless aircraft carrier sold by the Ukrainians to a Chinese company for $20 million back in '92. They planned to convert it into a casino. The story of how it finally got to China is a wonderful saga in itself. Now it's in a military shipyard, painted in naval colors.

Check out to learn the whole story...
Hermit Kingdom Update:
April train collision in North Korea left 1,000 dead

Meanwhile, the official North Korean News Agency reports:

"Kim Jong Il Praised as Great Person of World

A book and photo exhibition and a film show were held by the Laos-Korea Youth Friendship Center and a seminar by the Mexican Committee for the Study of Kimilsungism on May 25 and 26 on the occasion of the 42nd anniversary of leader Kim Jong Il's start of work at the Central Committee of the Workers' Party of Korea. On display in the venue of the exhibition were works of President Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il and photos showing their immortal exploits.
The president of the Mexican Committee for the Study of Kimilsungism said at the seminar that over 40 years of Kim Jong Il's leadership over the Party is the history of the great man who has glorified socialist Korea in the world and put forward the Korean people as the great people, adding that he is the great man of the world."
Pirate Tactics Update!
"There's been a new wrinkle detected in the piracy business of late, primarily in waters around the Arabian Peninsula, which might be termed 'smash and grab' tactics"
Foiling the Man
Tin-foil hats make it EASIER for Them to read your mind!

Friday, June 02, 2006

The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Associated Press, The Washington Post and ABC Pay Wen Ho Lee $750,000!
They whipped up a hysteria about him being a Chinese spy. Now it's open season on the MSM - watch these lawsuits explode everywhere!
Free doughnuts today!
Today is the 68th annual National Doughnut Day. Most Krispy Kremes will be giving away free doughnuts all day! Don't miss out!
'Freak Accident' At ATM Kills Fla. Man
Drive-throughs can kill!
Teen accused of spiking theater rival's drink with bleach
She wanted the lead in "Ha!" - a trio of one-act comedies.
Pirate Update!
Only 5 incidents reported last week. One had a rare twist:

"Sacramento rock, Visayan sea, Iloilo province, Philippines.
Twelve pirates armed with rifles and pistols attacked a fishing vessel underway. Five pirates boarded and hijacked the vessel and demanded payment. Crew managed to overpower the pirates and handed them over to Philippine national police."
Lord, She Bought Him A Mercedes-Benz:
"A New York woman was arrested today for allegedly having sex with a 16-year-old boy whose suspicious mother called cops when he showed up one day driving a Mercedes-Benz that he said was a gift from the woman"
3 die in 1,100-foot plunge from tower
“We can only assume that the safety equipment failed"
Switch to heavy metal signals danger
"The notorious gangs that for years have been causing trouble in the Northern Territory's largest Aboriginal community align themselves with heavy metal bands as they attack each other with machetes, spears, sticks and stones. And this week, as the debate about violence in Aboriginal communities shifted from central Australia to the Top End, the war between the Judas Priest and Evil Warriors gangs hit the headlines once again."
Aykroyd sez UFOs are real:
"Legendary funnyman Dan Aykroyd says UFOs are real, and he's got video evidence to prove it."

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Pete Goes on Holiday
The Doherty Chronicles continue...
More here
Security a bridge too far:
"The Sun yesterday exposed security at Britain’s biggest naval base as a shambles after strolling unchallenged on to the bridge of a warship."
"The VanRyn family learned Wednesday that the patient they cared for and prayed for the past five weeks is not their Laura.
Laura, it turns out, is dead.
The young woman in the hospital bed, who suffered head injuries in an April 26 highway accident that killed five people, is Whitney Cerak.
Whitney's family thought they buried her weeks ago."
Reid Says He Won't Accept Free Tickets
More proof that the leaders of the democratic party are Karl Rove's agents!
Never rub another man's rhubarb!
"Immediately, hundreds joined in the attack. 'Let's use our keyboard and mouse in our hands as weapons,' as one person wrote, 'to chop out the heads of these adulterers, to pay for the sacrifice of the husband.' Within days, the hundreds had grown to thousands, and then tens of thousands, with total strangers forming teams to hunt down the student's identity and address, hounding him out of his university and causing his family to barricade themselves inside their home."
Studies Portray Tropical Arctic in Distant Past
"55 million years ago the Arctic Ocean was much warmer than scientists imagined — a Floridian year-round average of 74 degrees."
Couple Offered Hit Man $100 To Kill Grandkids
Grandparents wanted to protect their son, accused of molestation.

Hat tip to Kat!